Crossfire
by pulling-the-puzzles-apart
Summary: AU Klaine futurefic - Kurt meets Blaine at Callbacks where Blaine is playing the piano. What will happen when they realise that both have boyfriends but feel a connection? Starts with Kurtofsky and Seblaine relationships but will soon deviate. Inspired by the song 'Crossfire' by Brandon Flowers.
1. Chapter 1

Crossfire

Chapter 1

It was cold outside, the winter air frosty and promising snow to come. Kurt tried to wrap himself up warm against the torrent of cold air winding his way and hitting his face but his face became red and numb quickly. He rushed to his apartment letting himself in quickly and wiping his boots on the mat by the door, quietly removing his coat and boots so as not to disturb the man he knew would be sleeping in the back bedroom.

He tiptoed to the kitchen, keeping his scarf and gloves on and slowly made tea, determined not to approach the bedroom yet, hoping to put off the inevitable. He sipped his newly made tea in the dark kitchen, the blinds open to reveal the glow from the street lights to the right of his apartment. The steam rose to warm his face and he gripped it tightly to let the feeling return to his fingers. He loved New York but sometimes he dreamed of hopping on a flight to LA and basking in its continual sunshine.

As the tea was drunk and completed he slouched his shoulders, realising he would have to face the man now lying in his bed but he hoped and prayed to the magic teapot dwarf in the sky that he was fast asleep and that Kurt was quiet enough not to disturb him. He undressed in the bathroom and slipped into his darkened bedroom, slipping under the covers with minimal movement. The man next to him remained straight backed and faced away from Kurt's side, no movement indicated Kurt had succeeded. Kurt sighed in relief as he tried to sleep and calm the whirring thoughts in his own mind.

xXx

A similar bedroom across town showed an entirely different situation. Noise, shouts and gestures were exchanged hotly and quickly, neither man being heard or understood. Blaine needed to get his point across but knew it was pointless, knew that Sebastian was too far gone to be reached. He suddenly felt as if he was floating up and outside of his body to survey the scene below him – Sebastian red faced and angry, slurring his words, incoherent and arms flaying at their sides. Blaine felt himself slump and walk towards the bed, his legs only just walking. He gave up and let Sebastian shout and rant, he let it wash over him like a deluge and he sighed. Sebastian's stance changed and he suddenly stopped.

"What are you doing now?" Sebastian asked the anger still in his voice but now much quieter.

"I'm sitting down Seb, I'm tired."

"Have you been listening at all to what I just said?" Sebastian voice started to rise again.

"Yes, we have this argument every week and it never changes anything. You think I'm too controlling, I think you're a pathetic drunk. It never ends, nothing is resolved."

"You think I'm a drunk?" Sebastian scoffed, "I'm completely fine." His stuttered sentence completely contradicting him, Blaine almost laughed.

"I've had a few to drink, so what? I would love it if you came out with me once in a while but nooooo, you just sit there and judge me and laugh at me with your superior thoughts and opinions. You used to think so highly of me Blaine, there was a time I impressed you, right? Now what? You hate me?" Sebastian started to sink on the bed next to Blaine, pathetically holding his head in his hand. This was the moment that Blaine would usually soften, feel sorry for the pathetic man sitting next to him, offer some comfort. Blaine didn't think he had the energy tonight.

"Of course I don't hate you," Blaine said, his hand reaching out to stroke Sebastian's back soothingly. "I just don't get your need to go out with your mates and get plastered every other night. You should be looking for jobs."

"I am looking for jobs," Sebastian shouted indignantly, "I try Blaine, I do but you're not very supportive and I can't do this on my own. I need you." Tears appeared in Sebastian's eyes and Blaine stroked his cheek.

"Hey, don't cry. Just let's go to bed, talk properly tomorrow, yeah?" Blaine said.

"Ok," Sebastian mumbled, already feeling sleepy and worn out. Blaine undressed him and tucked him in bed as he went to the bathroom himself and turned out the light. As he came to bed himself after spending time moisturising, Sebastian was already asleep and he sighed in relief.

xXx

Kurt woke first the next morning and crept out of bed and his bedroom to begin his morning moisturising routine. He started to feel human again and made coffee. He hastily drank his before his boyfriend got out of bed and he was nearly out the door when a voice stopped him.

"You're going early again." It wasn't a question, just a statement of fact.

"Yeah, I made coffee," Kurt said, indicating the filter machine, "I need to get to work."

The man opposite him nodded in understanding, sadness in his eyes.

"You got in late?" He asked.

"Yeah, I hope I didn't disturb you, working again…" His voice trailed away, his lie so obvious he couldn't continue. Kurt looked down, then at the door, his escape route almost calling to him.

"Well don't let me keep you," Dave said, bitterness evident in his voice, "I'll see you later?"

"Well I'm not sure, I might be late, meetings again and…"

"Yeah I get it," Dave said, turning dismissively towards the kitchen and although Kurt's shoulders sunk in defeat and sadness, he didn't stop Dave from leaving, didn't say the words he wanted to hear. He merely took his bag and left for work, closing the door softly behind him.

xXx

Kurt was the first at his office again, Isabelle arriving soon after and looking at him sadly as she walked past his cubicle. He was typing on the blogs connected to Vogue and maintaining the website forums, answering questions about new fashion lines and commenting on articles that had been published last month. He answered emails and started taking phone calls once the lines were open again at 9 o'clock. He had already had three cups of coffee before his day had even started.

Kurt often wondered how he ended up here. He had dreams once and although some would kill for his job, the flurry of hopeful interns each year eyeing him suspiciously reminded him of that but it wasn't all he had hoped for. He was slowly rising up the ranks at Vogue, now in a well paid position he still worked with Isabelle but was more included in her meetings, had more of a say in her articles and blogs and went to fashion shows galore. He loved his job some days but it wasn't what he dreamed of, he wanted to sing.

He never dreaded going to work, he just felt his dreams were slowly slipping away and he was constantly running to catch them again, to be reminded what it felt like to be alive. Days could easily slip by at Vogue, stuck at a computer, sipping coffee and nothing would change. He would look back over his week and know that he had not grown, changed or experienced anything worthy of note. He wanted to be an influence, wanted to shout to the world that he was here.

He continued to sip his coffee as he shook his head of the cloudy thoughts fogging around him and looked to the computer screen again. He needed to get over this incessant need to dream.

xXx

Blaine got out of bed at a much later hour, hair mussed and curly, leaving Sebastian hogging all the covers. He made a coffee, read the morning paper looking for jobs for Sebastian and circling possibilities. He watched the news and checked his post, paid bills that should have been shared. He rang his manager confirming his new gig tonight at Callbacks and they discussed possible songs for his set list. It was popular amongst students, especially at NYADA, and he was hoping it would garner interest in his EP, sales of which had dwindled in recent months.

He looked up to see a sleepy Sebastian enter the kitchen only in his boxers and opening and closing his mouth as if it tasted of carpet.

"Coffee," Sebastian whined, "I need coffee." Blaine poured and handed him a cup silently, going back to his song lists and sheets of music. Sebastian sat on a stool opposite him, rubbing his head, trying to dull the ache he found there this morning.

"How are you feeling?" Blaine asked quietly, determined to maintain the peace.

"Ok, just a bit hungover, maybe I did drink more than I thought." Blaine said nothing.

"What are you doing?" Sebastian continued.

"Just going over what I need to do for tonight. I'm singing at Callbacks, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Sebastian said, his eyes alighting on the newspaper with red circles in the job section. "What's this?" he said, picking it up.

"Just some jobs I thought you might want to try out. Just a thought."

"Oh not this again," Sebastian sighed but the hint of anger was slowly approaching.

"No, I just wanted to help," Blaine said defensively, "Don't take it the wrong way." Blaine always felt like he was treading on egg shells.

"I'll look for a job under my own terms, Blaine," Sebastian said, his voice rising as loud as his pounding head would allow. "I don't need a dad to find a job for me."

"Ok," Blaine said simply, returning to his sheet music.

"Oh here comes the passive aggressive Blaine," Sebastian mocked, "Looking all pious and self-righteous. Look I don't have daddy dearest to go to when I run out of money. I don't have money to produce my own EP and be able to swan around most evenings singing at bars and clubs for a small fee."

"Yes I get it, your dad left you no money after he gambled it away, I get it, I KNOW!" Blaine got up, taking his sheet music with him to the living room where his piano was nestled in the corner.

"Hey, I haven't finished," Sebastian shouted to a retreating Blaine.

"Well I have!" Blaine said, facing Sebastian. "I don't want to hear it, I'm tired of it all." He started to play quietly, his face instantly changing, calm washing over him as the keys tinkled. Sebastian just stared in annoyance and went to his room to shower and change.

xXx

Kurt found himself working through lunch, although he didn't particularly have much to do as he had started so early, he didn't want to face anyone today. He looked over NYADA chat rooms and forums and posted comments, imagining what it would be like to go there, to live his dream but his thoughts were interrupted by a text from Rachel.

Rachel. A friend, probably his only friend, unlikely seeing as he had hated her for most of his time at high school. She was Kurt's daily reminder that dreams were possible as she had achieved hers. She had been accepted at NYADA unlike Kurt, she had received recognition for her hard work and talent and was now auditioning for roles on Broadway. Already having starred in off-Broadway musicals it was only a matter of time before she made a name for herself. Kurt found himself being a dutiful friend, supporting her and listening to her trials and tribulations. She said the right things to Kurt, told him to keep trying for his dreams but he knew she was just being polite and trying to be a good friend. She made sure he wasn't lonely and knew of his troubles with David but she didn't really understand.

She was desperate to go back to Callbacks, relive her memories as a student there, singing away without a care and the whole of her theatrical career ahead of her. She thought it would be fun, they should go together she had said.

Kurt found himself agreeing, though he couldn't think of anything worse than being reminded how much of a failure his life was. He needed a reason to return late to Dave though and maybe he could drink away his troubles. He agreed and text David to let him know he would be doing Rachel a favour and going out with her tonight.

Later on that evening, Kurt in his tightest red trousers that he kept at work for evening emergencies and a simple black shirt, revealing his toned arms and shoulders, he felt ready. Rachel looked pretty in her short black shorts and white jacket, tight at the waist, her big smile showing she was extremely excited to be going back to a place that meant so much to her over the last few years. They entered the bar as it was starting to get busy and ordered drinks, finding a table with an excellent view of the piano which was currently empty. Kurt looked around at the students and felt at home there, sadly realising he would never really belong. The owner of the bar suddenly appeared at the mic and a guy with gelled dark hair and a bowtie timidly approached the piano stool.

"Hi everyone. This is Blaine Anderson who will be playing here a few nights a week. Of course we'll still have our famous karaoke nights each week," he said, as the crowd whooped and clapped, "But without further ado, here's Blaine." Applause started again as Blaine smiled shyly, explaining that he had CDs of his EP available after the show if anyone was interested. He looked around the room, suddenly aware that probably no one would be interested but he started playing anyway. He did acoustic versions of _Teenage Dream_, _Can't Help Falling in Love_, _Your Song_ and _Falling Slowly_, which had been an obsession of Kurt's when the film _Once_ had been released.

Kurt was mesmerised by him. He played quiet and gentle songs that seemed to sink to Kurt's tired soul and revive it, stirring in him the need to sing again, to share experiences through song, to express himself and be understood. He felt tears spring to his eyes on more than one occasion and it didn't go unnoticed by Rachel, who leaned in during one song and commented that he was good. Kurt simply nodded, his eyes transfixed on the man at the piano.

Blaine looked like he too was lost in the music and barely noticed the crowd around him watching. He loved how music transported you, how you could forget everything around you and at the same time be made fully aware of how you were feeling in the moment. The effect of this magical man on the audience was noticeable and the owner of the bar looked proud of himself at hiring this piano man early on in his career, as he watched from the sidelines.

Blaine's set was over too soon and a reminder given of the sale of his EP, that he would be selling until the bar closed. Kurt found himself drifting over to Blaine before others did the same and asking him if he wanted to join Rachel and him for a drink after he finished packing away and selling his EP. Kurt didn't normally do such a thing but his feet seemed to walk on their own and his mouth opened before he thought of what he was doing.

Blaine looked up in surprise at such a nice gesture and he smiled.

"I'd love to thanks," as Kurt indicated Rachel behind him waving manically, " I'll just pack up and see if anyone wants to buy my EP then I'll be over."

Kurt walked back to Rachel in a daze, not entirely sure what he had done. He looked at Rachel with wide eyes.

"That was brave of you," she said smiling, "I take it you asked him for an EP?"

"No," Kurt said, still dazed and surprised at himself, "I invited him over to our table for a drink once he finished packing up."

Rachel simply raised an eyebrow and mouthed, "oh". She smiled at Kurt's flushed face.

"You only live once right?" She winked playfully.

"No Rachel," Kurt said vehemently as his actions sunk in, "I have Dave remember, nothing untoward will happen. I thought he was amazing though, I wish I could do that."

"You can," Rachel said simply, "You just have to try and not give up." Kurt looked at her as if she had grown wings and said she could fly but he settled on a smile as he knew she was trying to make him feel better.

Blaine came over after about half an hour and he had chatted with a few girls who had shamelessly flirted with him and bought his EP. He had asked if Kurt and Rachel wanted a drink and when they replied that they were fine, they watched him order his drink at the bar.

"See, he's obviously straight," Kurt said, "Not that it matters," he said hurriedly, remembering Dave.

"I'll ask him," Rachel said confidently.

"Don't you dare!" Kurt exclaimed as Blaine started to walk over and Kurt warned Rachel with a glare.

"Hi guys," Blaine said, as he took a seat at their table. "Did you like the set?" He asked, hope rising in his eyes.

"You were fantastic," Rachel gushed, "So good."

"Thanks," Blaine said blushing, "I try."

"It was great," Kurt said sincerely, "Do you have many gigs in this area?"

"Yeah quite a few, I'm busy every night at a different venue and they're great opportunities to sell my EP to people that like my songs. I try to only sing a few at bars though, I think people want to hear Disney and classic love songs rather than my old rubbish."

"But your songs were amazing," Kurt said smiling, "I mean it, you should sing them more. I would be really interested in buying your EP." And he took it to look at as he handed the necessary money to Blaine.

"Thanks," Blaine said blushing again, and Kurt found himself thinking he had never seen anything this adorable.

"Does this mean you have a manager and a record deal?" Rachel asked eagerly.

"No, not quite, I mean I have a manager that finds me gigs and things but I produced the EP myself. My dad paid for it all." He looked embarrassed as he shrugged his shoulders, nonchalantly.

"Well you're really lucky," Kurt said smiling at Blaine, "But it doesn't mean that you don't have to work hard and try for your success, does it?"

"Well no, I mean I pay for rent and live off my earnings just about but I know I'm lucky. My dad's great really."

There was comfortable chat about the bar and student life, Blaine explaining that he had studied music in New York to which Rachel started telling her stories of student life at NYADA. Kurt felt like he was slipping out of the conversation until Blaine brought him back.

"What do you do Kurt?"

"I work at Vogue," he said simply.

"Oh wow!" Blaine exclaimed, "That must be amazing."

"Sort of," Kurt said, his enthusiasm already dying and Blaine's face dropped slightly, sensing he shouldn't pursue the topic.

Rachel dropped a few hints after a while that she was tired and decided to leave on time so she could be ready for an audition she had in a couple of days. Blaine smiled and kissed her on the cheek goodbye as Kurt's heart sank, confirming that he was straight.

"So Kurt," Blaine said, staring at Kurt's blue clear eyes, almost feeling that he could sink, "Any plans for tonight?" He looked so hopeful that Kurt suddenly found his hope returning.

"Not really," he shrugged, trying to appear carefree.

"Well do you fancy going to this little café I know down the road? I'm famished. I hardly eat before a gig."

"Yeah, sounds nice and it's a bit loud in here," Kurt said looking around.

They escaped and were hit with cold air as they left the bar and walked round the corner to Blaine's café. As they entered, only a few tables occupied, Blaine was greeted by a bigger lady behind the counter and he smiled widely.

"Hi Brenda, how are you?" he said warmly.

"Blaine!" She waved excitedly, "Usual?"

"Yes please and your usual surprise for my friend here," he said indicating Kurt. Brenda only nodded and got to work, starting to sing along to the radio behind her.

"Surprise?" Kurt asked worried as they took a seat in the corner.

"Oh yeah, you'll love it," Blaine assured him.

"So how long have you lived in New York, Kurt?"

"Four years now. I lived with Rachel while she was a student, then I got my own place. I've worked at Vogue the whole time I've been here but my family are in Ohio."

"Oh cool, I come from Westerville, my family still live there."

"Really? I come from Lima, just two hours from Westerville. What school did you go to?"

"Dalton Academy? The private school. Hey did you go to McKinley?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"I think my glee club competed against yours?" Blaine quirked an eyebrow in question, suddenly unsure of his facts.

"Oh yeah, I remember. We tied at sectionals and you lost at regionals?"

"Yeah," Blaine said, lowering his head in sadness, "We never really recovered after that. You went to Nationals?"

"Yeah and lost. Won the year after though," Kurt said smiling in glee, memories were good and life was easier then, his whole life ahead of him.

"We never got to nationals. Good that you won though. Didn't fancy singing as a career?" Blaine asked.

"Oh yeah, I tried to get into NYADA but didn't succeed and I didn't try again. I assumed the universe had decided I wasn't to go there so I stayed at Vogue. I'm lucky really."

"Yeah it sounds a great job but I couldn't imagine not singing as my job. I suppose as long as I can make at least some money out of it I'll keep on trying. My boyfriend thinks I'm mad though," Blaine smiled ruefully and Kurt's heart sunk.

"Oh right," Kurt nodded looking down and Blaine mistook his expression for disapproval.

"Yeah I'm gay, is that an issue?" Blaine started defensively.

"Oh gosh no!" Kurt exclaimed, sitting up and eyes bulging in misunderstanding. "I'm gay too, it would never be an issue."

"Sorry," Blaine apologised feeling foolish for jumping to conclusions and smiling shyly again, "I get so used to being defensive about it to family members that I jump on my high horse a little too soon."

"It's fine, I get it," Kurt said, remembering his issues with kids at school.

Their orders arrived and Kurt was surprised to find the biggest stack of pancakes he had ever seen in front of him, hardly able to see Blaine's face over them. They were smothered in maple syrup and smelled delicious.

"Oh my," Kurt sighed as Blaine chuckled.

"They're excellent," Blaine said as he surveyed his own collection of waffles. I always eat breakfast here late at night. Brenda is excellent and she took pity on me when I first arrived here as a student looking underfed and poor. We've been friends ever since."

They ate in relative silence, both murmuring in pleasure as they ate and Kurt would occasionally look at Blaine's perfect eyes, a burnt amber and smile, wondering what he was letting himself in for with this guy. He could feel worries melting away from him as they chattered idly about life in New York and singing and favourite songs. Kurt felt like a teenager again as Blaine explained the process of making an EP as if he was an eager puppy, so excited and enthusiastic. Kurt felt jealousy in the pit of his stomach that Blaine could feel that thrill everyday in his job while he felt dead to the world.

Kurt found himself reminiscing about glee club and competitions and describing the characters he had met there. Blaine chuckled at the stories and relayed his own about the Warblers and the school's anti-bullying policy that kept him safe from neanderthals. Kurt laughed.

"I ended up dating my own neanderthal," he smiled ruefully. Blaine quirked an eyebrow in question and Kurt decided to explain.

"Dave, my boyfriend, bullied me in high school as a closeted gay guy. He kissed me in anger and left to go to another school but we met again at a gay bar and it became known at his new school that he was gay. They started bullying him and he tried to commit suicide so I visited him in hospital." Blaine looked at Kurt in amazement that someone could be that understanding but he remained silent.

"He explained everything and I forgave him, tried to help him and we became friends. I met him again last year after he moved for work and we saw more of each other and the rest is history." Kurt sighed as a way of finishing already thinking he had revealed too much to this relative stranger.

"Wow," Blaine said, "That is one complicated relationship!" he said smiling. "I mean you're amazing to forgive that. I don't think I could do that." He shook his head as he tried to imagine forgiving his own bullies.

"Well it was easier because he needed me I guess," Kurt said as he looked out the door suddenly aware that that was the reason he had started a relationship with David in the first place. It shocked him to think that he had only just realised this and there was silence as Blaine looked carefully at him, unaware that he had made a realisation.

Discussion turned to other gigs and jobs that Blaine had and the sales of his EP. He seemed so enthusiastic about it all that Kurt couldn't help but smile and wish for the same enthusiasm in his own life.

They soon found themselves alone in the café and finishing their coffees and breakfast food just after midnight. Blaine indicated he should get home, thinking about the state he would find Sebastian when he returned. He looked to Kurt, his porcelain skin and blue eyes showing such promise and hope that Blaine didn't want to leave him, felt a pang of something hit his chest. As they left and paid Blaine felt a sudden thought tumble out of him and blurt out of his mouth as Kurt smiled.

"Hey, can I have your number? We should meet again."

"Yeah that sounds good," and numbers were exchanged and texts promised the next day. Neither guy thought of mentioning the obvious elephant in the room, deciding to explore friendship, both ignoring the feeling of hope and butterflies rising in their stomachs. It didn't matter that neither mentioned it to their boyfriend when they returned home later, smiles on their faces and thoughts of tomorrow keeping them ticking along. Memories of eyes meeting across tables and singing in bars and discussions about dreams fleeted over their minds as they drifted asleep in different beds with different bodies next to them.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kurt woke the following morning, a spring in his step as he made coffee and ate a bagel. He had woken early again so Dave remained asleep but he contemplated texting Blaine to meet for lunch although he knew it must be too early and he didn't want to scare him. Blaine clearly just wanted a new friend and he had a boyfriend but Kurt hadn't felt this hopeful in a long time. It was nice to be able to have interesting conversation with someone new, someone that made him feel at ease. Something his boyfriend should be able to do.

Dave walked into the kitchen as Kurt was finishing his bagel and Kurt cursed that he hadn't been quick enough. Dave looked sleep deprived himself and came in rubbing at his eyes and yawning, dark circles under his eyes. He simply poured himself a coffee but as Kurt made to leave he turned and gently tapped his elbow.

"Wait, Kurt, do you have to leave so early? I got up on time…" Dave almost pleaded, desperate for conversation and Kurt sighed, sitting on the stool in the kitchen once more.

"Yeah I suppose I don't have to leave just yet," he said.

There was uncomfortable silence as they both sipped their coffees, and Kurt found himself looking about the room, avoiding Dave's eyes.

"So how's work been?" Dave began, clearly uncomfortable.

"Yeah, it's been great thanks. Busy," Kurt said nodding. "How about you?"

"Yeah there's been a bit of a lull in the office lately but hopefully business will pick up."

"That's good, I'm sure you can help things along, you're great at your job Dave."

"Thanks," Dave smiled. Silence reigned again.

"Fancy going out for dinner tonight?" Dave looked so hopeful, eyes wide in anticipation of Kurt's answer, that Kurt found himself thinking desperately for a reason.

"I don't know Dave; I think I might be too busy at work…" Kurt's voice got quieter and his eyes finally rested on his hands on his knees, not daring to watch the hurt in Dave's eyes.

"Look Kurt why is this happening?" Dave's voice got louder, causing Kurt to look up, "I'm trying here, I really am."

"I know," Kurt whispered, desperate to leave or let the ground swallow him whole.

"What do you want me to say? What should I do? I mean, we haven't seen each other properly in weeks, this is the first conversation we've had in days and I don't even want to mention the bedroom." Kurt blushed. "We need to talk about this, you can't just shut me out, I don't know what to do…" Dave's voice changed as tears appeared in his eyes, he choked, blinked furiously, felt like pleading. Kurt couldn't stand it anymore.

"I'm sorry Dave," he said, getting up and cleaning his coffee mug, "I can't do this now, I need some space. We'll talk soon." And he walked out the door after grabbing his satchel, Dave rubbing his forehead with his fingers and sighing heavily.

xXx

Kurt decided that late morning would be not too early to text Blaine, assuming he would be up. He left it simple, inviting but not too friendly, after writing the text at least three times.

To: Blaine [11.32]

**Hi Blaine, it's Kurt from last night at the bar. Just wondered if you were free for lunch today. Don't worry if you're not. I might see you at another gig soon. **

He watched his phone patiently, tapping it every so often when it blanked, his screen mocking him and he suddenly remembered that phrase about a watched kettle. He decided he would make himself tea and catch up on the gossip from Isabelle.

He passed her office as she flicked through past issues of Vogue and chewed her pen in concentration as she looked at the images. She looked up at Kurt as he passed her window and indicated 'drink?' with his hand. She nodded and followed him to the coffee machine as Kurt was making their drinks.

"Hi Kurt, how have you been?"

"Good thanks Isabelle," he said, feigning optimism and happiness. Isabelle wasn't fooled.

"What's wrong?" Kurt looked at her and suddenly laughed.

"Can't fool you, can I?"

"No, you have to be sharp in this business. So again, what's wrong?"

"Nothing really, just boyfriend trouble, life trouble. Nothing's quite right."  
"Oh that," Isabelle waved her hand faking nonchalance to indicate her sarcasm. "That's big Kurt. I think this needs a chat in my office."

"Oh no no, don't worry really, I just need to sort it out and don't know quite how. I'll be ok."

"Come on, let's go," she said, tugging his arm to her office, and Kurt suddenly felt like a child being sent to the principal's office.

"Sit," she commanded with a smile once they were in her office with their teas. "So I've noticed you get to the office very early, leave very late. Does that have anything to do with it?" She smirked knowingly.

"Yes I guess so," Kurt laughed at her knowledge, nothing did really get past her. "I just need to make decisions I guess and I want to avoid them."

"Boyfriend issues?"

"Yeah but I know he can't help it and he wants to discuss it but I feel like I need my space before we can have those conversations. He expects me to be fine."

"Well he sounds like a good guy."

"Oh yeah, he is…" Kurt's voice trailed away, he was unsure what to say next.

"Well have some time, think things through, but I think you're probably not being fair to the guy." She smiled, trying to suggest she was on his side really.

"I know, but he's made decisions for me here, I feel I'm owed some thinking time."

He knew he was being allusive but he didn't want to be clear, he still hadn't processed it all himself.

"Well take your time, but maybe the answer is really obvious, staring at you in the face."

It was comical really, the timing was perfect. There he was, Blaine standing the other side of the office window and waving at Kurt, then suddenly shy he moved to the other side of the corridor, not wanting to disturb a private conversation.

Kurt laughed and thanked Isabelle as he left.

"Blaine!" Kurt said, laughing. "What are you doing here?"

"I was in town when you text and found myself nearby, so I thought I'd surprise you if you still wanted lunch." Blaine worried his lip with his teeth, suddenly aware he might have misread the situation the night before.

"Oh that's great, I'll just grab my things from my office, won't be a minute."

"I tried to ring but you didn't answer," Blaine explained as he followed Kurt to his office, watching him take his satchel and his phone.

"Oh yeah, I see," Kurt pocketed his phone and indicated the lift, the other side of the office.

"Do you fancy anywhere in particular?" Kurt asked as they walked out the building. "I know this great coffee shop round the corner, their paninis are to die for."

"Sounds good."

Hands were stuffed into pockets as they walked briskly against the chill wind, Blaine commenting that he probably hadn't dressed appropriately for the weather in his boat shoes without socks. Kurt laughed.

"But they look pretty," Kurt said, still smiling, "And that's what's important. Fashion first."

"Is that a Vogue motto?"

"Sort of," Kurt laughed.

They found the place nearly heaving already with the lunch rush but managed to order coffees and paninis and grab the last table in the corner.

"Do you have a lot of work on today?" Blaine asked.

"No not really I got into work early so I can afford to take a longer lunch. Do you have a lot of work?"

"No, I just need to sort my set list for tonight's gig but I have a pretty good idea what songs I'm gonna sing."

"Oh yeah, where are you singing tonight?"

"Another piano bar, this time in Brooklyn but I love it. It's a rowdy place, a different kinda place to Callbacks but just as sweet. It's full of regulars and people recognise me now, ask for requests, so it's all good. It's always a fun night. You should come!" Blaine looked suddenly excited as if he had just thought of the best idea in the world.

"Oh, yeah that'll be great. I mean, yeah I don't think I have plans," Kurt said, stumbling on his words, trying not to sound too desperate.

Blaine's smile faded slightly and he blushed. "Oh yeah, only if you're free, I mean you probably have plans with your boyfriend."

"No actually, he's more of a quiet guy, likes to spend time alone," Kurt lied.

"Oh ok, great, that means more time with me," Blaine said smiling.

"I suppose it does," Kurt said, matching Blaine's smile.

xXx

They agreed to a time and a place to meet before the gig and Kurt returned to work with an obvious spring in his step, not missed by Isabelle as he bounded into the office.

"So, who was that?" Isabelle asked mischievously, "The famous boyfriend?"

Kurt's face fell. Had he looked that happy to see him?

"No, no just a friend I met yesterday. He plays at piano bars across town."

Isabelle looked worried she had offended and nodded her head in acknowledgement, disappearing into her office.

xXx

Kurt was early and it did nothing to calm his nerves. He had rushed home after work, thankfully arriving before Dave and changed as quickly as possible, managing to finish his hair on the subway amidst curious stares. He got off at a Brooklyn station and found he was way too early, deciding on grabbing a coffee first to settle the butterflies in his stomach.

Only as he waited for Blaine did he acknowledge what the nerves meant. It wasn't a date, both guys had boyfriends; they were just friends, so why did he feel the jittery feeling he got when he would meet someone on a first date? He tapped his feet together in the cold and clapped his gloved hands together in an attempt to keep warm and avoid these silly thoughts whirring in his head. He always over thought situations.

Blaine arrived on time and as he walked up to Kurt he looked just as excited to see him as Kurt felt and maybe he hadn't imagined the feelings after all. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a sensible voice was telling him to run, to pretend he wasn't feeling well and go back to David, sitting alone at home but Kurt quickly dismissed the voice of reason and greeted Blaine with a hug.

Blaine stood back after the warm hug and smiled at Kurt, displaying white teeth and making Kurt feel more at ease. They chatted about their journeys there and the interesting things Blaine had seen on the subway and what the piano bar was really like. He tried to describe some of the people that Kurt would meet there but decided they were beyond description really and Kurt would just have to meet them. Kurt chuckled in anticipation and felt light-headed. He was about to enter a world where living happened and he dismissed the last thought of Dave sitting idly at home and smiled as they headed into the bar.

They had obviously arrived too early for it to be busy yet and Blaine had to leave Kurt as he set up his music and piano, so Kurt got a drink and settled at the bar to watch Blaine get ready. He looked so happy up there, with his sheets of music and his piano. The owner of the bar had approached him and started a conversation about the set list, Blaine animatedly telling him what he had planned. He looked over at Kurt once and smiled warmly. Kurt felt his heart soar. He hadn't felt like that in a long time.

Blaine grabbed a drink at the bar when he had finished and sat with Kurt, explaining that he wouldn't be starting for half an hour or so. The place started filling and regulars that knew Blaine would tap him on the back in greeting. Blaine belonged here and Kurt wanted that too.

"Hey Blaine, nice to see you again!" One guy greeted them and Blaine grinned and introduced the guy to Kurt who shook the guy's hand and found his name was Charlie. Kurt was suddenly introduced to loads of people that Charlie had brought with him and he felt hands shake his, his cheek kissed and shoulders rubbed. The notion that he could finally belong warmed his stomach and he couldn't stop grinning.

"It's great here, isn't it?" Blaine said excitedly as people were finding seats.

"Yeah, people are really friendly." Kurt smiled warmly.

"I've known quite a few of these people for years. I went to college with Charlie. He actually got me the gig here, his father owns the bar."

"So what's your boyfriend doing while you're here?" Kurt asked after a moment of silence.

"Oh I'm not sure," Blaine said uncomfortably, "Something about drinking with a mate the other side of town." Kurt nodded his head, not sure how to proceed with the conversation.

"What about yours? Is he sitting at home?"

"Yeah," Kurt looked down, not wanting the uncomfortable feeling of reason to return.

"You should invite him out sometime to one of my piano gigs," Blaine said unconvincingly.

"Yeah maybe," Kurt mumbled. Blaine suddenly had to start his gig, as the owner nodded in his direction and he approached the piano confidently, no longer the shy piano man that Kurt had seen last night.

"Hi guys," he said which started woops and claps in greeting, "Alright calm down, calm down," he joked, grinning widely, "I'll start, I'll start!"

He started with _New York State of Mind_, which considering the cheers was a clear popular choice. Kurt found himself being nudged by Charlie who had appeared beside him.

Blaine sang with such passion, you couldn't help but be drawn into the song, and Kurt was reminded of why he had wanted to live in New York in the first place. His first flight to the city of his dreams, the view of Manhattan, the skyscrapers, made his spirit soar and he had forgotten. He closed his eyes as Blaine sang and played and only opened them when he could feel a whisper in his ear.

"He's great isn't he?" Charlie said, smiling at Kurt's dazed expression.

"Yeah, great," Kurt whispered. Blaine continued his set with one of his own songs about loneliness and knowing when someone completes you and Kurt thought back to his meeting David again and how things had gone so quickly. How Kurt had moved in within a few weeks and they had played at a relationship until the inevitable questions had been asked and Kurt hadn't felt like pretending anymore.

Blaine continued to sing until his break, songs that jollied the crowd along and encouraged them all to join in, other songs were slower, more intimate. The crowd loved him and Kurt could easily see why. Blaine made such an effort with them, teased them, encouraged them, smiled in their cheers. He finished half of his set and plonked himself next to Kurt as Charlie went to get him a drink.

"How was I?" Blaine asked a continually dazed Kurt.

"Are you kidding me Blaine?" Kurt scoffed, "You were fantastic! I just… I mean I can't even express how fabulous that was."

"Really?" Blaine smiled, his cheeks flushing in pride, so pleased he had invited Kurt along.

"Absolutely. I mean you made me feel nostalgic, I wanted to cry, laugh, you brought back memories of when I first flew over New York, you were just amazing."

"Oh wow," Blaine whispered, "I never thought I was that good! Thanks Kurt, I really appreciate it," he said, stroking Kurt's arm affectionately. Kurt only smiled, feeling the butterflies take flight again but one look in the warm amber eyes that locked with his showed him that he wasn't the only one to feel this.

Blaine soon had to go back to the piano to finish his set and Kurt watched from the sidelines, basking in the good music and occasionally chatting with Charlie and his friends around him. Charlie was easy to talk to and Kurt could see how he had become friends with Blaine. They chatted about music and ambitions and dreams, Kurt voicing his desire to sing on Broadway one day and it was only when Charlie raised an eyebrow that he panicked and suddenly felt foolish for giving away a part of himself so easily.

"Why hasn't it happened yet?" Charlie asked.

"Oh I've just not had the opportunity I suppose. I got stuck in my job and can't see a way out."

"What have you been doing to get yourself out there? Auditions?"

"Oh no no, they don't even consider someone without some form of training and I've never been to college. I didn't get into NYADA."

"But there are other colleges, others routes. I mean look at Blaine, he's making his dreams come true. He's living his dream."

Kurt looked over at Blaine and suddenly felt annoyed at his friend Charlie. Who was he to question him, to insinuate that he hadn't tried hard enough? Blaine only smiled warmly when he caught Kurt's eye, not realising the internal struggle or the conversation on the other side of the piano.

"I'm sorry man," Charlie was saying, "I didn't mean to offend, I just think you need to still try, don't give up. If you're good enough, things happen but you have to work for it."

Kurt nodded in agreement, finally realising but still staring at Blaine. Sudden courage filled him as he sought the owner and his eyes finding him near the bar, he bounded over to him before Charlie could ask what he was doing.

Kurt asked quickly, Blaine still singing, and the owner agreed with curiosity as Blaine finished singing his song. The owner, who Kurt had found out was called Will, approached the mic and Blaine looked at his watch, aware that his agreed time was not up yet and looked confused.

"Excuse me everyone," Will said to the crowd, "There's someone that would like the opportunity to sing to you tonight, if Blaine doesn't mind?" He looked over to a puzzled Blaine whose eyes suddenly alighted on Kurt and he nodded warmly.

Kurt approached the piano timidly and asked Blaine if he could play the piano for him while he sung. Blaine looked surprised but quickly nodded his head in agreement as Kurt took the proffered microphone from Will.

"Thanks everyone, I hope you don't mind, it's just been a really long time since I've sung and I need this, I guess."

The piano started behind him and he forgot Blaine and focused on the song bubbling up in his chest, waiting to find release. He had waited so long for this.

_Sometimes I wonder where I've been__  
__Who I am__, d__o I fit in.__  
__Make believin' is hard alone,__  
__Out here on my own__._

_We're always provin' who we are__  
__Always reachin' for that risin' star__  
__To guide me far__  
__And shine me home__  
__Out here on my own_

_When I'm down and feelin' blue__  
__I close my eyes so I can be with you__  
__Oh, baby, be strong for me__  
__Baby, belong to me__  
__Help me through__  
__Help me need you_

_Sometimes I wonder where I've been__  
__Who I am__, __do I fit in__  
__I may not win__  
__But I can't be thrown__  
__Out here on my own__  
__Out here on my own_

As the song finished and he opened his eyes that he hadn't known he had closed, he saw some stunned faces around him, a pause until applause and standing ovations brought him out of his reverie to find Blaine coming out from behind the piano to grip his shoulders in a tight hug and his face beamed at him in adoration.

"You were awesome Kurt," he said and taking the microphone from his hands he assured the crowd that he couldn't compete against that and would finish early for the night. Kurt went red but it was the best feeling in the world.

After a few drinks and compliments around the table with Charlie and his friends, Blaine said he had better be heading back and Kurt said he'd go with him, feeling hot and in need of cool air to chill his warm face.

"I don't know about you but I need some chill out time before I head back. Fancy a late night coffee somewhere? I don't know as many places around here but we could look?" Blaine said.

"Sounds like a plan Batman," Kurt said, then cringed at himself. Blaine only chuckled as they walked to a coffee shop not too far away that was brightly lit from the outside, and they ordered coffees and sat in comfy chairs in the corner.

Kurt sighed in pleasure as he sat and Blaine smiled.

"You never told me you could sing like that. Now I'll be asking you to join me all the time at my gigs."

"Oh I see," Kurt teased, "Does this mean I'll get a cut?"

"Of course," Blaine smiled, feeling so at ease here, he curled his legs underneath him and sipped his coffee.

"Thank you for tonight Blaine," Kurt said sincerely, "Maybe I should thank your friend Charlie too." Blaine quirked a triangular eyebrow so Kurt continued. "He asked me why I'd stopped trying, why I'd given up and all these excuses came tumbling out but then I realised he was right. I had given up, I just expected things to drop in my lap and he reminded me that you had had to try, that you were living your dreams. I couldn't stop my feet from getting up there and singing. I felt like I could burst and I haven't sung in ages."

"That's great Kurt, so good. I'm glad I could do that for you. You should never give up. The status quo is never enough, you should always strive for more."

"Yeah…" Kurt said wistfully, suddenly aware of Dave at home, probably already tucked up in bed.

"How come I hardly know you and already you know me better than anyone?" Kurt asked quietly, not wanting to admit it, even to himself. Blaine looked suddenly sad, like the answer would hurt them both.

"I don't know Kurt. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a gig as much as I did tonight and I know that's because you were there. Someone to watch the performance for me, to be affected by it for real. It's strange isn't it, this city?" Blaine suddenly looked out at the street outside, knowing the things he really wanted to say could only be left hanging. Kurt smiled.

"It is strange but beautiful nonetheless."

**Song used**:

'Out Here On My Own' from the musical _Fame_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Warnings**: Cheating and alcohol abuse.

Chapter 3

The following morning, Blaine awoke and turned in bed to find the other side empty and cold, so he ventured out to the living room in the hunt for Sebastian, who he presumed hadn't made it to bed after his night of fun. He didn't find him on the sofa or curled up by the door like other occasions, nor did he find him sleeping on the breakfast bar or by the toilet. It was rare that Sebastian didn't make it home to at least one of those places so Blaine started frantically ringing some of Seb's friends with no luck. Just starting to contemplate ringing Sebastian's mother, only as a last resort, Sebastian walked through the door, half his T-shirt torn, no jacket and a black eye blooming nicely on his left side. He could barely open his eyes as he walked through the door and the tirade of worry threatening to explode out of Blaine's mouth, subsided and left him upon seeing the pathetic specimen before him.

"What happened? Where have you been?" he asked, as Sebastian nearly crawled to the sofa and sat opposite Blaine, his head gingerly in his hands.

"Please don't Blaine…" Sebastian said weakly, not looking up, "I can't talk right now."

"But something must have happened. Who did this to you? Have they been arrested?"

"You should have seen the other guy," Sebastian laughed with only little humour.

"I'm serious Seb, what happened?"

"I don't really remember, I think we got into a fight then we slept it off. I woke up next to Lee propped up by a tree down some street." Sebastian didn't look at Blaine, too afraid he would see loathing and hatred in his eyes. Blaine only looked weary.

"You think?" Blaine whispered, "How much did you drink?"

"Not that much… I just lost count, we were having a good time, letting loose. No harm."

"No harm?" Blaine scoffed, "Look at your face. This has got to stop Seb, you can't keep doing this to yourself." He tried touching his shoulder to catch his attention but Sebastian shrugged it off and stood shakily on his feet.

"No Blaine, what I need to do right now is sleep. I'll see you in the morning."  
"But it is morning," Blaine said to the retreating back that was hobbling on uneasy legs to the bedroom.

To: Kurt [10.05]

**Hi Kurt, really glad you came last night. Free for lunch or a coffee break today? **

To: Blaine [10.07]

**Hey, yeah that sounds good, meet you at 12 outside my office?**

To: Kurt [10.10]

**Awesome! See you then x**

xXx

The kiss had flummoxed Kurt a little. Had he not been friendly enough in his texts? Had Blaine only meant it casually? Was he already seeing him too soon after last night? But when he looked again at the text messages his heart beat calmed down a little. Blaine had text him this time and he was just a friend. Dave didn't know because they still weren't talking but he had nothing to hide. He was sure.

Kurt met Blaine a few minutes after 12 o'clock outside his office building as agreed and Blaine smiled in greeting, instantly putting Kurt at ease. It felt good to have a friend other than Rachel for once.

They agreed to try a new coffee shop this time and spotted a lonely place, out of the way that was still relatively quiet during the lunch rush. They settled with their medium drip and mocha in a corner and Blaine sighed, warming his cold fingers on the large mug.

"Bad day already?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow but smiling pleasantly.

"You could say that," Blaine smiled humourlessly into his coffee, taking another sip.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Oh it's not really worth spoiling lunch with the details," Blaine said, looking out of the window.

"I don't mind Blaine," Kurt said gently, "I hardly know you but sometimes that's easier."

Blaine looked at Kurt carefully and reaching a decision, he smiled lightly.

"I guess that's true, but sometimes I feel I've known you for ages. Strange…" Blaine picked at his muffin and started to explain his morning and how Sebastian had remained asleep when Blaine had left to meet Kurt.

"So he has a problem?" Kurt asked kindly.

"Yeah but he won't admit it. Every time I even broach the subject he retreats like a scolded child, won't listen to anything I say."

"How long has it been going on?"

"I guess he's always liked his drink. I mean we've been together nearly five years, since high school and I've never seen him at a party without alcohol, it's just become a bit more excessive recently. Ever since he lost his job I suppose."

"What did he do?"

"He was a marketing operative for a newspaper but they didn't need his role anymore when they merged with another paper, so he was made redundant. I keep looking for jobs for him, trying to help but he just throws any suggestions in my face. I'm left paying the bills on my measly pay from the bars and living here ain't cheap." Kurt nodded in agreement.

"Anyway I'm done moaning about my life," Blaine said, sitting up straight and looking at Kurt directly. "Tell me about your morning." And Kurt filled him in on the tedious admin stuff at Vogue but regaled Blaine with stories of boardroom meetings he had had this week with the legendary Daphne and her lack of medication induced inspiration. He soon had Blaine laughing and thoughts of Sebastian were long gone.

Two hours soon flew by and Kurt suddenly panicked, looking at his watch.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so late," he said rushing up and nearly throwing coffee dregs all over his half jumper, slashed diagonally. He said a quick goodbye to Blaine, promising he would text soon and dashed out of the coffee shop, Blaine sitting dazed.

It was only as he walked home, knowing it would be a particularly long walk, long enough to put off dealing with Sebastian's hangover, that he realised he already missed those blue eyes looking his way and telling him stories to lighten his mood. He missed Kurt's giggle as he wrinkled his nose cutely. He already loved that Kurt had actually listened to him, really understood and, although knowing there was no advice to be given, he was there. He cared.

He thought of Sebastian, at home nursing his hangover, taking any pills he could find to dull his thumping headache and trying to scrub at his tongue to remove the taste of wet carpet in his mouth. They hadn't had a decent conversation in months, neither taking the time to really listen and Sebastian wasn't willing to improve the situation. Blaine felt hopeless, not sure how he had ended up in this mess, not sure how to get out of it. But he realised, he had not thought about his problems for nearly an hour, had only enjoyed someone's company, laughed, felt at ease. The fact that it wasn't his boyfriend making him feel this way wasn't really Blaine's fault; it was just the way it was.

Before he thought anymore about the wrongness of the situation he text Kurt asking if he wanted to check out this new club he had heard about tonight. Blaine only had one night off a week and why should Sebastian get all the fun?

xXx

They decided to grab breakfast first at the cafe from the other night, Brenda in her usual garb of pink pinny and fish nets. The place was busy and Brenda could only wave and nod in agreement to their orders as Blaine mouthed them across. They sat chatting about their days until Kurt heard his phone tinkle with a new message and his face fell.

"Someone you don't want to hear from?" Blaine asked quietly, trying not to pry but feeling exposed after the conversation about Sebastian earlier.

"No, it's not that, just awkward," Kurt said. He hadn't meant to be so dismissive of the message, hadn't meant for his face to show so much. He read it hastily and sent a simple reply. He turned it on silent and pocketed it quickly.

Blaine looked carefully at Kurt not sure why he was suddenly being secretive. He started to wonder what this was, why he was here. He dove right in.

"Was it someone important?" he pressed.

"My boyfriend, so I guess." Kurt shrugged his shoulders and laughed mockingly.

"Look Kurt, you don't have to say anything, I get it, just…"

"No, I want to, you said so much earlier," Kurt said as he sat up straighter as if he was about to say a speech he had prepared. "I guess it's hard, I haven't told anyone actually, not even Rachel or my dad, I just need to process it, deal with it. Dave doesn't get why I can't move on, he tries to talk about it but…" He took a deep breath as he tried to stop his rambling. Blaine only nodded, promised he was listening.

"We've been together for just over a year, haven't even said 'I love yous' or anything but when Rachel came round for wine one evening and she joked about marriage and children he flinched. We discussed casually later in bed and he flat out refused, said he never saw that in his future, like it wasn't an option."

"Never?" Blaine asked incredulously.

"Exactly and I don't even picture that with him but just knowing it's never an option, I don't know…"

"I can't imagine that never being an option…" Blaine said, "I mean we've fought so hard for the same rights, at least with marriage. I know some people aren't suited to be parents but I couldn't imagine a greater gift than to have children and to give them a great home."

Kurt's heart soared as Blaine spoke, he even felt lighter. He hadn't realised how he had blamed himself over the last few weeks, felt it was an unnatural expectation or hope that he shouldn't be allowing himself. He wanted to get married, it should be a big deal, love was important. He suddenly felt validated, someone understood.

"We haven't spoken properly since. He tries but I leave early, arrive home late. I don't know, I just can't bear to be near him now and I know he's not really done anything wrong, just shared his opinion but I feel, I just…" Kurt's voice got quieter as tears appeared in his eyes. He had done so well to keep his opinions to himself, not share with anyone, thinking he was letting himself process the decision but really he was in denial, almost pretending he didn't have a relationship to worry over.

Blaine gently placed his hand over Kurt's and smiled trying to impart warmth into Kurt's cold fingers.

"You deserve more than that Kurt."

Kurt looked up into Blaine's warm eyes, suddenly feeling lost and the only thing that mattered were those eyes and as long as they were there, Kurt would be ok.

"Do you mind if I ask you something personal?" Blaine looked worried but Kurt nodded acquiescence. "Do you love him?"

It was such a loaded question and Kurt had tried to dismiss any thoughts about the subject for weeks. He looked at Blaine, thought of David at home and knew where he would rather be, knew whose company he preferred. Blaine smiled kindly and Kurt never answered but it wasn't needed. They both knew the answer.

xXx

They found themselves entering the heaving club, lights almost dimmed too low, bass beat bouncing in their veins, a little later and they wove their way to the bar. Blaine ordered drinks and Kurt looked around at the dance floor, darkened corners, seated areas. It was a place for young people and despite Kurt's 22 year old body, he felt 50. Blaine handed him a drink with a wide grin and clinked his glass, shouting 'cheers'. He looked so happy and excited to be there that Kurt couldn't help but grin too. They drank a few drinks and chatted by the bar but as soon as Katy Perry's _Firework_ came on, Kurt felt his hand being tugged and he only had time to place his empty glass on the bar before he was tugged onto the dance floor.

Kurt felt light-headed on only a few drinks and found himself bouncing along to the music, everyone lifting their hands up in the air as soon as the chorus hit, all pretending to be fireworks. Blaine had never looked happier and Kurt could only grin stupidly too.

The song morphed into more club classics after that, _Heaven_ by Emeli Sande an obvious Blaine favourite as he sang along and Nicki Minaj's _Superbass_ surprising Kurt into a fit of giggles.

"I never saw you as a fan of hers," Kurt shouted in Blaine's ear as he leaned in close.

"She's awesome," he shouted back, dancing away, his cares all gone. Several songs passed and all breathless Blaine suddenly said he needed another drink. Kurt followed him and they leaned away from the bar, taking in the spectacle of the dance floor in front of them.

"Are you having fun?" Blaine asked, talking in Kurt's ear again, though the need had disappeared.

"Yeah, it's great here. Just what I needed I think." Kurt smiled.

"Good," Blaine smiled too, then knocked back his drink. "I need another." More drinks were ordered and Kurt felt his worries trickling away. Blaine made him feel good and there was no pretence, there was no worry about the future and decisions that didn't need to be made.

"Thanks for coming Kurt," Blaine whispered warmly in his ear, "I love hanging out with you, you make me feel fuzzy." He rubbed his chest in circles to emphasise his point and Kurt laughed.

"You make me feel fuzzy too," Kurt closed his eyes and sighed. "I just want to have fun, that's not too much to ask is it?" Kurt asked Blaine, suddenly serious.

"No, that's not too much to ask," Blaine's eyes were wide with fierce agreement, "We should all be able to have fun and not have to worry about stupid boyfriends."

"Exactly," Kurt nodded, as if Blaine had said the most profound statement and he was in the presence of a genius.

Lady Gaga suddenly came on and Kurt exclaimed, "The Edge of Glory! We need to dance to this!" And he almost ran off, Blaine following him just as eagerly.

They did silly poses as the beat started, steady and intoxicating, singing along and jumping when the chorus hit. Kurt felt like he was on the edge of something as he danced closer to Blaine as the crowd jostled around them. Blaine suddenly grabbed his waist, pulling him ever closer and Kurt grinned, feeling Blaine's pulse almost matching the bass line and Kurt felt dizzy. As it got quieter, the saxophone kicking in, Blaine's hand still warm on his lower back they wove closer together and Blaine smiled. Kurt closed his eyes, letting it all wash over him and he opened his eyes to find Blaine's dark eyes greeting him, seeming to ask for something silently but then the chorus started again and bouncing ensued, the moment lost. They were tossed together, people bumping into their backs and the beat mimicking their hearts. Kurt suddenly felt overwhelmed as the chorus continually repeated and when the music came to an end, there was a moment where Blaine looked at him, implored him for something but then the song changed and Kurt returned to the bar.

Blaine followed a while later, Kurt already finishing a glass of water and watching the heaving bodies on the dance floor. He felt sick and warm and wanted to get out of here.

"You ok?" Blaine asked quietly as he approached. Kurt just shook his head and indicated he was leaving. Blaine followed silently as they grabbed their coats and the cold breeze hit their faces as they walked past the bouncers.

It was silently decided they would walk for a while rather than catch a cab and there was an uncomfortable silence as they stayed locked in their own thoughts, wishing the other would speak first. Blaine took the first step.

"You ok? I mean you looked kinda sick back there, near the end."

"Oh yeah, just needed some air, I'll be fine in a moment." Kurt looked resolutely at his feet as he walked, not noticing Blaine's sad expression.

"Did you like it though?"

"Yeah, definitely," Kurt finally faced Blaine, "I mean it's been a while since I've drunk that much but I feel surprisingly sober in the cold air now." Kurt continued walking, hands fiercely in his pockets, braced against cold air and awkward conversation.

"Do you wanna catch a cab or maybe get a coffee somewhere?" Blaine had started off hopefully but then found his hope dwindling as he looked at Kurt's pained face.

"Maybe we should just get a cab, I mean you need to get home to Sebastian and I should…"

"Yeah," Blaine muttered, "Maybe, I mean I don't think Seb will be home yet but still…"

Kurt had stopped, not knowing why and suddenly looked to Blaine's face finding such sadness and defeat that he didn't know how to cope with it, wanted the expression to disappear, happiness to return. He walked closer to Blaine, who edged closer to the wall of the building behind him, and realised his lips had found Blaine's, warm with alcohol and his hand brushed his cold cheek, stroking gently. Blaine sighed into the kiss and kissed back, feeling whole again after so long pretending and holding things together. Kurt stood back and surveyed Blaine's face, eyes closed, cheeks already flushed with cold and felt a warmth settle in his stomach, where only coldness had been before.

"Kurt…" Blaine said as he rushed towards him, eager to kiss those lips again and he was met with open lips, an eager tongue licking gently on his bottom lip to start exploring his mouth. Blaine tasted sweet and warm and Kurt could melt. He hadn't been kissed like this in so long.

After several minutes they parted and Kurt's face fell, not with guilt, not with any realisation that what he had done with Blaine was wrong, more with the knowledge that it couldn't last, that the moment wasn't to be repeated. Blaine looked at Kurt's kiss swollen lips and tried to stroke his cheek, tell him without words that it would ok but Kurt knew this was the beginning of the end. That in the cold light of day, this wouldn't continue.

**Songs mentioned**:

'The Edge of Glory' – Lady Gaga

'Heaven' – Emeli Sande

'Superbass' – Nicki Minaj

'Firework' – Katy Perry


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Kurt crept into his apartment nearly an hour later, after walking all the way home, feeling strangely dizzy and detached. He had left Blaine still standing waiting for a cab and he felt almost haunted by his sad expression, not a hint of guilt there. Kurt still couldn't decide how he felt. He had wanted to kiss Blaine, had initiated it even but the idea that he was a cheater was too much to bear. As he thought about the state of his relationship at home, Kurt could only feel anger that it had led to this. He resented that the detached indifference he felt towards Dave, the state of denial he had maintained over their recent disagreements, the lack of communication and anything else typical of a real relationship, had culminated in his change of character.

He had always thought he was morally upright, almost judged those that weren't but now he was on the rung with the lowest of the low. He wasn't sure how Blaine really felt about the situation, didn't really want to discuss it and yet again he felt the need to retreat, hide in a corner and pretend he didn't exist.

He was hoping to find Dave asleep again, as it was gone 2 o'clock and the bedroom was dark as he crept in and under the covers. He turned to face Dave's firm heavy body to find whites of a pair of eyes and he couldn't suppress a yelp of surprise.

"God, David! You scared the life out of me!"

"Sorry," David whispered, "I couldn't sleep." He smiled lightly and with a kindness that Kurt knew he didn't deserve. "Did you have a good time? A club wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Kurt whispered in the darkness, "With Blaine, a guy I met at a piano bar the other night with Rachel."

If Dave was worried or jealous, he didn't show it, which made Kurt's chest sink further in pain.

"Did you sing at the piano bar? I know Rachel loves her karaoke nights," Dave smiled, sounding sleepy.

"The other night? Yeah, I sang 'Out Here On My Own' from Fame," Kurt said. He was greeted with a frown and Kurt almost laughed. "A musical," he answered the silent question.

"Must have been a good night then, I haven't heard you sing around the place for a while."

"Yeah I guess so," Kurt felt a strange worry build in his chest as he realised Dave noticed far more than he gave him credit for.

"Did I make you stop singing?" Dave asked, a worried frown creasing his forehead.

"No," Kurt said, "I just gave up I guess, Rachel had her dreams, mine are still buried somewhere I guess."

"I never thought you should give up Kurt," Dave said kindly, "You need to start living your dreams again, however daft you think they are. One try is not enough."

Kurt looked carefully at Dave, at the man he had lived with for nearly a year, and finally realised he was only just starting to get to know him again. Only after the suicide attempt, years ago had Kurt got to see the compassionate gentle side of Dave and it had never disappeared, rather Kurt had retreated.

"I know," Kurt whispered holding back tears, "I guess the thought of trying again scares me, I don't want to be defeated another time."

"Then don't let it defeat you, win at something else, keep trying until you win. Sometimes it's the fight that makes everything worthwhile."

Kurt nodded, afraid tears would fall but Dave noticed and stroked his cheek gently.

"Anyway, you should sleep, you look tired," he smiled.

"Ok." He felt his eyes drift closed under the stroke of his cheek. He could only reflect, before sleep found him, that the guilt he wouldn't let himself feel earlier was about to hit like a freight train.

xXx

Across town Blaine had got in much earlier than Kurt but had found Sebastian asleep and tucked up in bed when he ventured into the bedroom. Staring at the ceiling, alcohol and worry buzzing in his system, he decided to curl up with a blanket on the sofa and watch mindless reruns of a television programme, anything to stop the thoughts.

The thought of Kurt seemed to haunt him the most, the expression on his face after they had kissed, the regret evident there. He couldn't stand the thought that he had enjoyed the kiss, relished in the feel of his lips and the warmth of his breath, had enjoyed his company over the last few days more than he should have allowed and for Kurt to feel only regret. Kurt had initiated it, had just as much to lose as Blaine, only Blaine felt he would lose anything for Kurt, just to feel that again.

He didn't see himself with Sebastian anymore, needed it to end quickly. He had become his guardian over the last few months and was only considered a nag. The relationship had been going sour for ages, Sebastian could be under no illusions that it was going well. Blaine had to tell him.

Having reached a decision, he stood, planning to go to bed and sleep until he saw Sebastian late morning but by the door, there he stood, clad only in boxers and a sleepy grin.

"You weren't there when I woke and I heard you come in, I must have drifted asleep again," Sebastian said as he rubbed his eyes awake.

"Yeah, go back to bed, I was just coming." Blaine started walking closer.

"Why were you out here?" Sebastian asked quietly.

"Just some thinking," Blaine tried to shrug his shoulders but Sebastian remained still. As Blaine started to move closer, about to sidestep Sebastian to get to his bedroom, Sebastian held his shoulders, entreating with his eyes, asking that he remain.

"What are you doing Seb? I want to go to bed." Blaine closed his eyes in frustration.

"What's going on Blaine? I want to know."

"Nothing," he wrenched his shoulders away from his grip and walked to the bedroom. Sebastian followed.

There was silence as Blaine undressed, Sebastian walking to the bed and getting underneath the covers, watching Blaine carefully. Blaine felt constricted. He wanted to be free. Maybe this was the time after all.

"How do you think our relationship is going Sebastian?" Blaine asked suddenly, stood still with only his boxers and his hip cocked to one side.

"What do you mean?" Sebastian asked, worry creasing his forehead. He clearly had never contemplated the idea that Blaine would be anything but happy in his presence.

"I mean, how do you think we're doing? Are we happy?"

"Well," he faltered, "I mean, we have our ups and downs but we're happy right?"

Blaine was decidedly silent as he removed his boxers without any hint of possible sexual connotations and donned his pyjamas.

"Blaine?" Sebastian hated this. Blaine normally reasoned with him, was the logical side of the relationship and Sebastian had to work now, thoughts bubbling and incoherent. He suddenly missed the alcohol he had thought he didn't need, it calmed him in ways he would never understand.

Blaine looked at Sebastian carefully, not sure how to proceed. It was only a matter of hours really, this conversation would happen anyway; perhaps it could wait until morning.

"Don't worry, we're fine." He slipped under the covers and faced away from Sebastian, turning off the bedside lamp. Sebastian could only look at his cold back and wonder what was happening.

xXx

Kurt sat in silence the next morning sipping his coffee having risen early despite his day off. Friday's were free for the next few weeks as Kurt prepared for Paris fashion week in February and Isabelle wanted him to work from home and run errands if needed. Dave would need to rise for work soon and Kurt would need to decide. After initially dropping off to sleep in Dave's arms, this in itself so rare that Dave could only smile, kissing the top of his head as Kurt slept on, Kurt had dreamt only of Blaine's face. It had seemed to twitch and change before his eyes, morphing into expressions of pleasure, from sadness and towards hope. Kurt wanted only to scrunch his eyes and make him disappear.

As he sat drinking his too warm coffee but relishing in the scold to his tongue, he thought of what the kiss would mean to Dave and decided he didn't need to tell him. Whether they stayed together or not, his relationship with Blaine would need to cease and Dave need never know that for a fleeting moment there had been someone else. Their relationship would come to an end naturally, with no one else to sully it. He would need to decide if he would end his relationship with David, after all, he couldn't keep living in this limbo of nothingness. A decision would need to be made and he couldn't have Blaine around to confuse things.

Dave came in fully dressed after a while, ready for work in his crisp suit and Kurt suddenly felt proud that he was his. He had missed the tenderness between them, that was all, he had pushed it away and Blaine had been there to fill the gap. Kurt knew he needed to put more of an effort into this relationship if it was to work and he would start today.

"You look nice," Kurt smiled, light not quite reaching his eyes.

"Thanks," Dave said grabbing a muffin and pouring a coffee. "You have plans today?"

"Not really, no," Kurt said, suddenly aware that he would be here with only his thoughts. "I might go out, I don't know…"

"You ok?" Dave paused his cup going towards his lips, quirked an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Kurt said, coming out of his reverie, "You got a busy day?"

"Yeah but we can meet later if you like? Have dinner out." Kurt didn't say anything and just looked down at his finished coffee cup. Maybe the answer could be seen there.

"Where do you see us in five years David?"

"I don't know, why do we have to plan so far ahead? Just take it as it comes, I don't know." Kurt felt annoyance, he never seemed to know anything either.

"But what's the point? Why stay together?" Dave looked pained, hurt filling his eyes and he inhaled visibly, his chest moving inwards.

"Whoa, is that what's had you so silent recently?" His voice had risen, eyes wide, "You think we should finish?"

"Well relationships normally move in one direction, you seem to want it to stay still."

"No, I mean why do we have to think about it at all."

"It doesn't bother you, never thinking that we'll get married and live happily ever after?"

"I just don't want marriage and kids, it doesn't mean that I don't want you."

"I know Dave." Kurt got up, prepared to move into the bedroom.

"Don't go Kurt, talk about it."

"I can't, I thought we wanted the same things." He walked away but David followed.

"But I never thought it was that important to you," Dave said to his retreating back, "I mean, do you even love me?" Kurt stopped not daring to face him but not wanting to answer he went into the bedroom to change. Dave could only sigh in frustration and leave.

xXx

After changing and moisturising Kurt felt more alive in the world and his thoughts were more settled. He decided, after his third coffee of the day, that he would call Blaine, ask if they could meet, only to set the record straight and give him time. He would feel even better if things were settled between them.

Blaine answered after the first ring, which disarmed Kurt, who was still gathering his words and thoughts together.

"Kurt?"

"Uh, Blaine, I was just going to ring, I mean I am ringing to see if we could meet today, just quickly and…"

"Yeah, that's great," Blaine said, quickly, "I have a gig later on today but I could meet you for lunch again, outside your office?"

"I'm not working today, how about you come round to mine?"

"Oh, ok…" said Blaine, hesitation clear in his voice. "Where do you live?"

Kurt gave him his address and waited patiently for him to arrive, feeling an idiot for suggesting he meet him here. They would be alone, left to talk about awkward topics and Kurt didn't have any cakes or biscuits to offer him. In a sudden panic he left to go to the local shop, in the hope that it would take a while for Blaine to get here. He felt torn between dread and excitement and he needed to occupy his hands and feet somewhere.

Somewhere else another awkward conversation was occurring, one that would define a relationship, cause another fissure and Kurt was completely oblivious.


	5. Chapter 5

**Warnings**: Domestic violence

Blaine had gotten up early that Friday morning, despite the crazy night of thinking too much and staring at the white ceiling, as Sebastian snored away. He was haunted by those blue eyes that searched his so freely, those that had darkened with want down that New York street last night and had filled him with hope that there was something, someone worth spending time with. Despite his idea of telling Sebastian, explaining that their relationship wasn't working, finishing everything off, as he woke the next morning, he knew he wouldn't do it today. He needed to build up to these kinds of things and he knew he would need all his wits and energy when he did finally speak to Sebastian.

As he drank his coffee early that morning, Sebastian safely tucked up in his bed, Blaine reflected over their five year relationship and where it had taken them. It certainly had been exciting as they dated at Dalton and then moved in together in New York. Trysts in quiet rooms around the old private school, quickly organised trips to Paris and London when the fancy suited them, more money than they could ever spend until it was all taken away. Sebastian's family had the most money Blaine had ever heard of anyone having, until he didn't anymore. The gambling debt was paid and there was a little left to secure a living for his family to a certain extent but the conclusion was quite clear. Sebastian would need to work and there would not be enough money for his full inheritance.

It seemed that Blaine was now the privileged one and Sebastian resented him for it but Blaine had always been determined to earn his keep and not ask his father for any favours. He didn't want his life to be handed to him on a plate, all finished and neatly packaged. He wanted to live his life, makes mistakes, earn his keep and change and improve as he went along. It was only as Sebastian's money disappeared that he could see their relationship for what it was: suitable only for fair-weather.

Sebastian couldn't cope in the real world and the concept of looking for a job, finding his niche in life was beyond him. He couldn't comprehend making a name for himself when he had relied on his father and his grandfather before him to maintain the privileged name of Smythe. The thought of being responsible and building a life was abhorrent to him and the alcohol must be some kind of cry for help. He was rebelling and determined to live his life as if nothing had happened, as if money was endless. Blaine had become tired of spending his hard earned money on rent and the little left over for food when Sebastian no longer contributed. How Sebastian managed to get so drunk on so little money was beyond Blaine's comprehension.

As he sat in the kitchen, sipping his coffee, he thought of Kurt, responsible, sensible but oh so desperate to be alive and he wanted that. He wanted the dream of a better life; he wanted the fight and the desperation. He wanted to help Kurt achieve his dreams because he could see Kurt was a fighter that had been trodden down before and struggled to believe in himself. He could help him, really support him.

He thought back to that kiss, those lips and knew that Kurt was more than that. He could picture a future with Kurt but Sebastian blurred that for Blaine, made him confused. Was responsibility and sensible behaviour really that attractive? He had been sensible with money and his affections and look where it had gotten him. He felt desperate around Kurt, desperate to feel and be wanted. He didn't want to think of the consequences anymore. He didn't owe Seb anything.

He was startled out of his reverie by the phone ringing next to him on the kitchen counter and he jumped. The conversation was quick and Blaine was surprised that Kurt had wanted to meet so soon after last night. Blaine felt eager to see him again and the thrill of their next meeting had his blood whirring through his veins. It was only as he walked to the bedroom to get ready that he saw Sebastian sitting up in bed, a clear expression of hurt anger on his face.

"Who's Kurt?" he asked.

"Just someone I met at Callbacks the other night. I'm meeting him for lunch," Blaine said as he started wandering around the bedroom, changing quickly, checking his hair.

"Meeting for lunch? What about me?" Sebastian asked surprised.

"You? I thought you'd be sleeping then drinking," Blaine said without looking at his face.

"Oh that's low," Sebastian said, getting out of bed quickly, "I'm not hungover if you've noticed and I'm free all day, just like you."

"Well I'm not now," Blaine said simply, collecting his phone and wallet.

"So that's it, you're going out with Kurt over me?"

"Yes, you make the same decision each night and choose alcohol over me each time. You shouldn't be offended."

Sebastian paused as he looked at Blaine, who was avoiding his eyes and noticed the confidence suddenly oozing out of him, his suave ability to be unfazed by anything. Sebastian felt jealousy settle and fester inside him as he looked and he needed to act, to show Blaine something, anything. He walked closer to Blaine, grabbed his shoulders, forced him to stop and look at him properly.

"What are you doing Seb?" Blaine said, clearly annoyed, trying to wiggle free to no avail.

"I'm making you listen, making you care. You need to stop and look at me, it's rude."

Blaine laughed, that pitiful laugh when the object of your mirth is so pathetic you can't help it and Sebastian felt the bubble of rage build in his stomach. He felt his hand rise and a clear smack rang loudly in the room. Blaine heard it before he felt it and his eyes wide he walked backwards quickly, almost racing out of the room.

"Blaine…"

"No get away from me," Blaine was shouting, "Get away from me!" Sebastian could only follow him dumbly, silently shocked at his own behaviour, looking at his hands as if they had committed the crime for him, unknown to him.

"I don't want you anywhere near me, get away!" Blaine continued to shout as he grabbed his jacket and keys by the door and left, not daring to turn his back on Sebastian until he was outside the door. Sebastian could only sit by the now closed door and cry.

xXx

Kurt had bought supplies quickly: good coffee, cakes and biscuits, quiche and scones. Looking over the spread in the kitchen he suddenly felt very foolish – who was he, the Queen of England?  
He hastily put it all away and sat down on the kitchen stool, wondering what on earth he was doing when there was a very sudden and loud few knocks on the front door. They sounded almost frantic and Kurt wondered if it was a delivery man in a hurry so he was rather surprised to see Blaine at his door, red faced and breathless, practically running into his apartment.

"Blaine? What's wrong?" as he followed Blaine into his apartment. Blaine started pacing around the kitchen and Kurt's eyes followed him, back and forth, back and forth. He started muttering to himself and Kurt came closer as Blaine finally looked at him and his eyes filled with tears.

"I don't know what I'm doing here," he whispered, "I don't know what I'm doing."

"Sit down Blaine, let's talk," Kurt said sadly, supposing he was talking about last night.

"No, I need to do something I need…" Blaine said, as he continued to pace. Kurt thought that coffee would be a bad idea now, Blaine seemed to be jittery enough already. Blaine abruptly stopped near Kurt and saw him again, felt his hands shake but he suddenly felt calmer, looking at those pale blue eyes and he settled.

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered.

"Kiss me again," Blaine whispered, "I need you to kiss me…"

Kurt's eyes widened in surprise but as he paused to look into Blaine's panic filled brown eyes, he stepped closer and closer until the gap was closed and his lips were on Blaine's, warm and soft. Despite the request Blaine still gasped and started to move his lips slowly against Kurt's until he felt his heart beat more slowly. He tentatively licked Kurt's lower lip and explored his mouth with his tongue and he had never felt calmer, like he had been shipwrecked and had found land. The kiss lasted several minutes until Kurt pulled away slowly, his breath coming out quickly as he looked at Blaine, his lips kiss swollen and one of his cheeks still red.

"What happened Blaine?" Kurt whispered as he poured them both coffee and settled on the stool, almost as if it was a normal occurrence to kiss someone other than his boyfriend in his kitchen.

Blaine sat down too and stared into his coffee, wondering where to start.

"I think I just left my boyfriend," he whispered, "He hit me."

"He what?" Kurt stood suddenly indignant and angry. Blaine almost smiled at Kurt and felt a sudden surge of love for this man that cared for him.

"We got into an argument as I was getting ready to see you and he grabbed me by the shoulders, asking me to stay with him rather than see you for lunch. He was jealous I guess and I laughed at him. He looked so pathetic and he smacked me across the face. I left straight away."

Kurt started pacing now, wringing his hands in anger.

"But what are you going to do? I mean you can't go back there, you need to ring the police."

"No, I can't ring the police. God, Seb wouldn't know what to do in a police cell."

"Who cares Blaine, he assaulted you! You can't let him get away with it."

"I don't now Kurt, maybe I should just leave him. I mean I've been thinking about it anyway, since well you know…" his voice trailed away and his eyes drifted away from Kurt's face, the end of the sentence left hanging but understood.

"Where would you go?" Kurt said, quietly.

"Find a place tomorrow? I could stay in a hotel tonight. I need to ring my dad I think."

"Ok," Kurt said as Blaine found his mobile and pressed ring on his parent's home number. He left the kitchen to make the call and Kurt could hear his voice in the hallway as he continued to sip his coffee.

Kurt felt light-headed. He had wanted to kiss Blaine in the light of day, see if it made any difference, if it was as he had remembered and it had been more, more of everything. He felt already so protective of this guy he had only just met, that he wanted to hurt Sebastian with his bare hands. He was glad Blaine would be out of there and safe but he didn't know how he felt about Blaine's sudden freedom. He thought back to Dave last night, caring and sensitive to what Kurt needed, being there for him when he felt his dreams ebb away. He honestly didn't know how he felt about Dave anymore and part of him didn't want to stay to find out. He wanted to escape too and as he thought about Dave's last question flung at him in the course of an argument, he wondered if he really did love Dave or had he been so afraid of being alone that he had taken the first opportunity that had arisen?

Blaine returned to the room with a slight smile on his face and a more settled air around him.

"My dad's booked me into a hotel tonight and he said I could stay in an apartment he has in town until I get my own place."

"Oh that's a relief," Kurt said, shoulders dropping.

"Yeah, I'll just get a few things from my apartment later."

"Not on your own, I'll come with you," Kurt said, a note of finality in his voice that Blaine didn't want to argue with, so he just nodded and said thanks.

They finished their coffee and Blaine asked why Kurt was off today. As Kurt explained about Paris fashion week and the arrangement he had with Isabelle for preparation leading up to the events, Blaine smiled in happiness at Kurt. He had finally done it, and he felt free. He was dreading going back there, he had felt panic and fear after Sebastian had hit him but he remembered his face as he left. He knew Seb wouldn't hurt him again and Kurt would be there. Kurt would look after him.

As they ate some light lunch, neither mentioning the kiss from earlier or the night before, Kurt looked at Blaine and wondered what it was about this man that had him entranced. He looked at his warm eyes as he spoke, seemingly lit up from within and Kurt could feel the warmth spread through him. He had felt dead for so long, giving up on his dreams, settling for mediocrity and knowing his worth, that one look from Blaine, one song, had him believing.

They decided to get the awkward moment at Blaine's apartment over and done with so Blaine could prepare for his gig tonight that he couldn't afford to cancel. They travelled together, barely talking, but not uncomfortable as Blaine wondered how Sebastian would take him leaving, how he would take Kurt's presence. As they entered the apartment, it seemed so quiet that Blaine started to believe that Sebastian had gone out but as they made more noise getting his stuff sorted in the living room area, Sebastian came out of the bedroom, fully dressed this time and just stared.

"What are you doing?" he whispered, ashamed but curious.

"Packing Seb, I'm moving out."

"But you can't," Sebastian said, as panic started in his stomach, "We need to talk about this Blaine, you can't leave."

"Yes I can and I will," Blaine said, still not looking at Sebastian and packing his belongings into a suitcase as Kurt stood by the doorframe.

"Blaine, wait, we need to talk about this, Blaine please," he said, as his voice got louder, more desperate.

"No," Blaine shouted as he stood facing Sebastian, "We don't need to talk. What you did was abhorrent and we're over."

Sebastian paused, already feeling defeated. His shoulders sunk and he sat on the sofa watching Blaine as he packed. His eyes suddenly alighted on Kurt by the door and he got up abruptly.

"Who are you?" he shouted, indignant that someone else was watching them deal with this.

Kurt said nothing, his cheeks flushing. He didn't want to intrude but wasn't sure how safe Blaine would be on his own here.

"This is Kurt," Blaine said, not even stopping his packing and now walking to the bedroom to continue packing there.

"Kurt?" Sebastian said, as he followed Blaine, "So this is the guy you've been seeing behind my back?" Kurt blanched at that. He didn't want to be the 'other guy' and he definitely didn't want to be here.

"No never behind your back, I've been completely honest with you Seb, he's here to help me." Kurt really hoped he hadn't been completely honest with him after all.

"Blaine, please listen," Sebastian started pleading as he followed Blaine around the bedroom.

"Ok," Blaine said suddenly, "Carry on, what do you have to say?" Blaine looked so hard at Sebastian, Kurt nearly felt sorry for the guy. "Well, what do you have to say?"

Sebastian looked shocked at being addressed directly after so much pleading and he clearly didn't know what to say.

"I guess, I'm sorry," he said weakly, "I shouldn't have done what I did."

"Ok," Blaine said, suddenly feeling defeated looking at this pathetic man that he had thought he had loved, had tried to help.

"I want you to stay Blaine, we can sort this, I mean it, I'll try," Sebastian said as he pleaded with his eyes. Blaine looked kindly on him, his stance no longer solid and stern. He had a sudden image of Sebastian on their holiday in Paris last year, before the gambling debt, before the arguments and disillusionment with life. Blaine remembered laughing and drinking with him one night at the bar and he had never felt lighter. He knew he had loved Sebastian then but looking at this man now, sunken in on himself on the bed, so desperate, so changed, he knew he needed to be apart from him.

"I don't think I can stay Seb," he said kindly, all confidence and malice out of his voice. "I think we need to separate and I'll contact you when I think things through. You need help and I need to get a new place. I'll get the movers to collect the rest of my stuff when I find a place and you can live here for a while but you need to start paying rent soon, I can't do it for long."

Panic really set in now in Sebastian's eyes as he realised how much he had relied upon Blaine and his money.

"I'll see you soon then?" Blaine said as he finished collecting items from the bathroom.

"Yeah, ok," Sebastian said, diminished, half the man he was even just a moment ago. Kurt looked on sadly and felt sorry for this guy but he followed Blaine out of the apartment and didn't look back.

xXx

Blaine checked into his hotel, Kurt following him, Blaine clearly needing space but Kurt unsure how to leave. They stood outside the hotel and Kurt suddenly said that he'd better go sort out some stuff before work tomorrow.

"See you tonight?" Blaine asked with hope in his voice. Kurt looked at him carefully and noticed the desperation in his face as he said yes, he would be there. Blaine told him the address of the bar in Manhattan and they agreed to meet there just before 8. Just as Kurt turned to go in the opposite direction to Blaine, Blaine tugged his elbow, forcing him to turn back and look.

"Thank you for today Kurt, I couldn't have done it without you," Blaine said sincerely, "I hope I didn't put you out too much?"

"No, not at all Blaine. I'm just glad you're safe," Kurt said smiling. There was an awkward silence then, neither man wanting to leave, something left unsaid.

"What is this Kurt?" Blaine whispered between them, seeming to get closer as he looked at Kurt's eyes hoping to find answers, "What are we?"

"I think we're in between something," Kurt said after a while, just as quietly as Blaine, "Perhaps we're in the crossfire." Blaine only nodded and returned to the hotel behind him as Kurt walked on his way.


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning**: M rating applies in this chapter.

Chapter 6

Kurt deliberately arrived late to the bar in Manhattan that evening, Blaine having already started his set at the piano. The lights were dim and although the bar looked seedy on the outside, not such a young place after all, Kurt instantly felt warm and a sense of belonging there, as he entered. A mixture of all ages were dotted around the bar as well as sitting at the round tables watching Blaine, fascinated and transfixed and Kurt smiled at the thought that Blaine had this affect on most people he sang to.

Although the lights were dim, there were low lights just above Blaine and the piano causing it to give the impression he was aglow and alive, with everything else feeling deadened. Blaine kept looking up and around at the people at the bar, obviously hoping to catch Kurt in the audience but Kurt managed to slip into a seat at the back with his new drink from the bar, as Blaine continued to sing.

He was singing 'Someday' from the Disney classic _Hunchback of Notre Dame_ and Kurt could only smile that someone would sing a Disney song in a bar in Manhattan without being laughed at or mocked. Kurt looked around at the people watching and there were only a few talking to their friends next to them, most were entranced by Blaine's soft voice. You could tell he really believed in what he was singing and there was such a sadness to his voice that he almost seemed to be singing just for himself.

After a few songs his eyes eventually alighted on Kurt at the back of the bar, near his line of vision and he smiled warmly that Kurt had shown up. Kurt instantly worried that his appearance here would signify something important, that he was agreeing to a decision or a question that was asked without thought for the consequences. Blaine was speaking, and Kurt could only settle more in his seat and watch and listen, hoping he could get out of this situation unscathed.

"This is a new song on my set list, just for you," Blaine was saying and he smiled warmly as the crowd whooped in appreciation. "This song has kind of become important to me in the last day or so and I think all important songs need to be sung. Well here goes." Blaine finished speaking and started playing and he seemed to get so lost in the keys and the magic they were setting out before him, he almost looked like he didn't want to sing, but sing he did as Kurt watched on.

_There's a still in the street outside your window  
You're keeping secrets on your pillow.  
Let me inside, no cause for alarm  
I promise tonight not do no harm  
I promise ya, babe, I won't do ya no harm_

Blaine had been looking at his fingers as he played, lost in the music but he looked up as he promised in the lyrics, looked directly at Kurt and seemed to search his eyes without giving his own emotion away. Kurt was transfixed.

_And we're caught within the crossfire  
Of heaven and hell  
And we're searchin' for shelter_

_Lay your body down  
Lay your body down  
Lay your body down_

Blaine looked at Kurt, a small smile playing on his lips as he thought of laying Kurt's body down next to him where they could suffer together, forget the storm outside and just stay.

_Watching you dress as you turn down the lights  
I forget all about the storm outside  
Dark clouds roll their way over town  
Heartache and pain came a-pouring down  
Like hail, sleet and rain, yeah, they're handing it out_

_And we're caught within the crossfire  
Of heaven and hell  
And we're searchin' for shelter_

_Lay your body down  
Lay your body down  
Lay your body down_

_Tell the devil that he can go back from where he came  
His fiery arrows drew their beat in vain  
And when the hardest part is over, we'll be here  
And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fear  
The boundaries of our fear_

_Lay your body down  
Lay your body down  
Lay your body down_

Blaine had returned his gaze to his fingers, safe and comfortable below him, not wanting to give too much away as he sat under scrutiny. He wanted Kurt, knew he would feel safe there but Kurt wasn't alone and they both had baggage. Without singing another song that revealed so much about himself, Blaine continued his set, returning to a popular classic. Blaine usually enjoyed performing but tonight he felt like he was a specimen under the microscope and he needed to meet someone in the middle.

As Blaine finished his set, he wandered to the bar to get a drink and suddenly felt a gentle squeeze of his elbow, forcing him to turn around to see Kurt's blue eyes, searching him still and begging for something, anything silently.

"Kurt," Blaine said, trying to sound happy but failing, "Glad you came."

"We need to talk," Kurt whispered, so quietly that Blaine could only lip read and understand in the hustle and chat of the people around him. Blaine nodded and slipped away, following Kurt who seemed more confident.

The rain really had started to pour as they had been hidden away in the bar and Kurt and Blaine pulled their collars up against the drops hitting their faces from the side. Kurt hailed a cab nearby and Blaine silently followed and sat next to him in the back. Nothing was said as Kurt directed the driver to Blaine's hotel and although Blaine was surprised he said nothing, the song he had sung almost coming back to haunt him now as the rain continued to pour. It seemed to almost attack the windscreen as they drove through the streets of New York and the wipers were madly working to clear the way.

Kurt paid the driver and they ran into the safety and warmth of the hotel. Blaine moved forward, overtaking Kurt so he could lead the way to his room. Not a word was said.

They stood in the elevator, the droplets of water still running down their faces and dropping into the spaces below. Blaine only glanced at Kurt a few times to see his jaw set and his eyes moving rapidly and he could only wonder what had him so worried. Once they were on the correct floor, they entered the hotel room, Kurt following slowly behind him, the moment of confidence and surety seemingly gone. Blaine removed his coat and shoes, indicating to Kurt to do the same and he apologised for the mess of strewn clothes and hastily unpacked toiletries from earlier. His suitcase from his apartment with Sebastian was half emptied and it was clear he had gotten ready earlier in a hurry. Kurt visibly relaxed after sighing deeply and laying the back of his head against the door behind him, as Blaine sat on the edge of the bed. Kurt seemed happy there was some distance.

"I don't know what's happening Kurt," Blaine whispered, "Are you worried about something? Why do we need to talk here?" Blaine looked around, nervous that the walls would suddenly cave in, cause them to make decisions they would regret.

"I don't know Blaine," he said, as he opened his eyes and he noticed Blaine's face, still wet from the rain but a new colour could be seen just under his eye, barely noticeable to others. He walked over to Blaine and stood before him and simply stroked his cheek tenderly, his expression softening.

"Look what he did to you," Kurt whispered. Blaine blushed, embarrassed.

"I know, I didn't notice it until I was getting ready to go. It's only a slight bruise," he said, trying to shrug his shoulders. Kurt continued to stroke his cheek and as he looked at the bruise and Blaine's warm eyes in the brightly lit room, he found himself sinking lower so his lips met Blaine's in such a sweet kiss that Blaine gasped and closed his eyes. He felt himself being gently lowered to the bed beneath him and Kurt hovered over, his mouth never leaving Blaine's lips. They parted so Blaine could move higher up the bed, his head resting on the pillow at the top and Kurt laid down next to him.

"Lay your body down," he whispered, smiling and Blaine smiled back as they shifted so they were facing each other, lying on their sides. Still in wet clothes that were sticking tightly to chests and arms, they began to remove the offending items, not caring where they landed on the carpet beside the bed. Kurt started stroking Blaine's arms in small circles, bringing warmth back to the cold skin and a murmur of pleasure escaped Blaine's lips as he did the same, causing Kurt to close his eyes. Blaine lowered his lips over his collarbone, his shoulder and neck to warm particularly cold areas and Kurt realised he hadn't felt this in a while, gently appreciated and adored for simple reasons. He felt himself warming up as Blaine got closer, sucking at a particular spot under his ear and he sighed in easy pleasure.

"Oh god, that feels so good…" Kurt murmured, as he clasped Blaine's back, started to stroke his cold tight muscles there and Blaine became quicker and moved impossibly closer so his wet jeans were rubbed painfully over Kurt's thigh, causing a hiss to escape Kurt.

"I think these need to be removed," Kurt simply said.

"Are you sure?" Blaine asked, worried that that would be crossing a boundary and Kurt laughed with no real humour.

"I think we've passed the line Blaine. I know what I'm doing." He stood to remove his tight jeans and underwear as Blaine watched, mesmerised.

"So gorgeous," he whispered as he looked, so amazed that this guy wanted this, wanted him.

"Your turn," Kurt said, smiling and jumping on the bed to remove the offending clothes that were still attached to Blaine's legs. As they got under the covers, Kurt still stroking over Blaine's chest and arms, Blaine nuzzled the warm area between Kurt's neck and shoulder and breathed hotly, causing Kurt to shiver.

"You're so beautiful Kurt, I've wanted to do this for a while," he said, placing his lips, open-mouthed over those sweet places.

"I think I need… I want…" Kurt said, starting to mutter, unsure what he wanted, never knowing what he needed.

"What do you need?" Blaine whispered, "What can I give you?"

"Anything," Kurt gasped, as Blaine kissed his cheek and jaw, finding his way to his soft lips and sucking there.

Kurt could feel the heat rise between them, ever closer and already hard he could feel Blaine's cock line perfectly with his in this position and he tentatively pressed forward, causing Blaine to moan in pleasure. Always wanting Kurt to decide, always allowing the decision to be made by someone else.

"Oh god Kurt just there…." as his noises got louder and he rutted closer, causing Kurt to moan and buck in want too. He needed release, needed to feel something that wasn't pain and he could forget.

They continued their rhythm for a while, hands ever touching, lips ever kissing as heat engulfed them, under the covers and they could forget the rain outside. They were safe, they were set apart and no one knew. Kurt had never felt so wanted, never felt his skin tingle in quite this way before. He didn't dare think of Dave as he felt himself go higher with Blaine, always on the edge of something perfect and he wouldn't consider the consequences. He knew they were always in between and however amazing it felt to ride and buck against Blaine it wasn't perfect because they weren't perfect, they made mistakes but this could be just enough to allow the world outside to flit away.

They were rutting frantically now, moans loud in the quiet hotel room and Kurt's eyes scrunched shut against the images in front of his eyes, knowing what he was doing and how he was feeling. He looked up at Blaine once as he got closer to the edge and the sadness in Blaine's eyes, the knowledge that Kurt was a _cheater_, nearly caused his heart to break but he carried on, the feeling of power within him intoxicating and heady, making him desperate for Blaine.

"Oh fuck Kurt, I'm gonna…." Blaine almost screamed his name and Kurt gasped as he came against him, Blaine following a few seconds later. They lay there tangled in each other for quite a while as breathing returned to normal and come was allowed to dry between them.

Kurt gingerly removed his arms from around Blaine and lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, fully aware of what he had just done. Blaine lay on his side, peering at Kurt cautiously, almost afraid to break the silence. They were no longer in the crossfire, a decision had been made after all and it was bittersweet.

**A/N**: Song used is 'Crossfire' by Brandon Flowers and this really inspired the whole fic so well worth a listen. I also refer to 'Someday' from Hunchback of Notre Dame – I of course own neither.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Kurt extricated his limbs from Blaine as he woke very early the next morning. Blaine was breathing warmly near his ear but very slowly Kurt managed to leave his bed and gather his discarded clothes, changing quickly and quietly before leaving the hotel room. He felt like the lowest creature as he left the hotel, the receptionist well aware of what he had been doing in a guest's hotel room, well aware that he was a cheater. As he did the walk of shame back to his apartment where he knew David would be asleep, trusting Kurt's text that he was round a friend's place, he cried. Hot angry tears flew down his face and as he heaved in his breath painfully he knew it couldn't continue, that he couldn't see Blaine again. The bars and clubs he performed at would be avoided, contact discontinued. He would never see Blaine again and he would try his best to forget last night and his touch and kisses. He would return to Dave and determine how he really felt about the man he had shared his life with now, for nearly a year.

When he thought back to their time together Dave was surprisingly sweet and attentive. They could speak for hours about topics that interested both of them and although Dave wasn't a fan of musical theatre, his face would light up whenever Kurt spoke about it, as if he fell a bit more in love with him just because of his enthusiasm. Kurt made an effort to like Dave's hobbies – football in particular but he realised as he walked home to him, the main reason they did so well together was their differences. Dave was strong and Kurt felt protected and loved around him, as if one hug could end every problem. It didn't matter that they didn't have much in common, their similarities were what mattered. They believed in the same things and could come together to respect what the other wanted. Which is why the decision not to marry had shocked Kurt so much. The idea that he could never have this, that it was already decided for him, infuriated Kurt, made him want to rebel. And rebel he had.

He arrived to his apartment and let himself in, trying not to wake Dave but maybe not trying as hard as he usually did. As he removed some of his clothing to get into the bed, Dave stirred and looked up as Kurt approached. His face was warm and inviting and Kurt felt, that in spite of all he had done, that he needed to feel together with someone, needed to feel that he mattered.

"Hey," David mumbled sleepily.

"Hey."

"Come here," and Dave opened his big bear arms, beaconing Kurt closer and he couldn't resist, he went to him and sunk in those arms.

"I thought you were sleeping at a friend's?" Dave mumbled in Kurt's hair as he kissed him sweetly.

"I decided to come home," Kurt said, stifling his tears but failing to stop it reaching his voice. David noticed.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Dave reached round to catch Kurt's eyes with his own gaze and as a lone tear trickled down Kurt's face, he caught it with his finger and kissed it away.

"I just needed to be home, I guess." Kurt said, allowing the tears to fall freely now.

Dave tugged Kurt closer, allowing him to bury his head deeper into his shoulder as he cried. Soon the tears stopped and Dave parted slowly from Kurt so he could see his face.

"Are you ok?"

"I think so," Kurt whispered.

"I know it's been strange between us Kurt, I know you've been avoiding me, but I want to make it up to you. You should know that I…" Dave couldn't say it, it was clearly on the tip of his tongue, Kurt could tell but as Dave looked into Kurt's blue grey eyes awash with tears, he could feel his own tears approach his eyes.

"I love you Kurt," he finally said, "I've loved you for so long and I could never say it before but I'd be lost without you. I love you so much." He kissed Kurt sweetly and Kurt felt himself sink into the kiss, scrunch his eyes against pictures his mind was showing him. Kurt desperately tried to look at him as Dave's fingers trailed over his cold skin. He breathed deeply trying to forget the ghost of the fingers he had felt over his chest and arms and hip bones, trying to forget the warm sweet kisses he had shared with another man. Dave sighed in pleasure as Kurt took over, causing the images to disappear in his mind as he forced himself to feel and look and touch the man beneath him. Kurt felt his chest constrict in panic but being a consummate actor he could play the part of dutiful boyfriend who brought his partner to climax in the darkened room, so far away from the man with the curly hair and triangular eyebrows who was lying in a bed across town, wondering how things had gotten so wrong.

xXx

Blaine had woken up as he had felt Kurt peel his legs away from him, noticed the sudden cold as the warmth was removed and he silently watched Kurt change and leave without saying goodbye. He could tell from his sad expression that Kurt felt guilty, didn't want a verbal reminder of what he had just done so Blaine let him leave but he lay there still awake several hours later wondering.

Blaine thought he was a good person. He tried to do the right things, had tried his best with Sebastian which he thought deserved some kind of medal because that guy had been difficult to live with for the last six months. He put his heart and soul into all the activities he did – music, records, looking for jobs for Sebastian, making friends. He always tried so hard, yet here and now he had failed. He had failed Kurt when he clearly needed a friend, he had failed himself and he knew he had disappointed his father not because he was gay but because he had been with someone like Sebastian. God only knew how he would feel about Kurt and what they had done. Blaine lay there and knew he was wrong this time and didn't quite know how to fix it. He would have to move into his dad's place across town later on, then show up for a gig he had booked only a few weeks ago and all on his own. But he had done this before, before he had met Kurt, before his life had taken a different path and this was nothing out of the ordinary.

In the end he called on Charlie, who rallied round with a few of their college friends to help him move in. They asked a few questions namely about Sebastian and why they had to fetch his things when Sebastian had agreed to leave the place empty but they didn't pry too much and Blaine told them the barest of details. It just seemed a mess and Charlie understood. Then the inevitable happened.

"So how'd you meet that Kurt guy?" Charlie asked as they were unpacking some of his belongings into the apartment his dad had allowed him to occupy.

"Oh just at a bar the other night when I was playing. He and his friend Rachel invited me over after the set for a drink and we met a couple of times for lunch. He's nice," Blaine said nonchalantly, avoiding Charlie's gaze.

"He seems nice," Charlie continued, "What's his story? Gay?"

"Yeah, he has a boyfriend," Blaine said, putting things away in the kitchen.

"I see," Charlie said, nodding in understanding as Blaine came back into the room.

"Meaning?"

"Oh nothing," Charlie said quickly, "Just that he seemed to mean a lot to you that night, I mean we rarely see Sebastian at one of your gigs."

"Well it's obvious why isn't it?" Blaine said angrily, "I mean he gets drunk with his friends most nights, is too busy to see me play and was never interested. It was just my job to him and I don't really want to talk about Sebastian if you don't mind."

"Sure, I get it," Charlie said, starting to bring more boxes to the correct rooms. He didn't mention it again but Blaine was riled enough after it had been mentioned once. Charlie soon left when all the boxes were in the correct place and he knew he would be a hindrance in the unpacking. Their other friends had gone after the heavy lifting had been completed and Charlie didn't want to be a nuisance anymore. He said he'd text him soon for a catch up or a drink at the bar and he was gone.

As the door closed, Blaine sank on the sofa, thanking someone silently that his dad had furnished the apartment. He knew he was lucky he had his dad to bail him out again but the feeling that he was a precious little rich boy helped by daddy again got to him. He knew he'd been rude to Charlie but the fact that he could already tell Kurt was someone important really annoyed him, made him aware that he had fallen hard for a guy he hardly knew. The thought that Kurt had simply walked out of his life that morning, with no clear intention to see him again, really irked him. Before he knew what he was doing, he grabbed his phone from his pocket and rang Kurt.

Blaine was surprised that Kurt answered nearly straight away but instead of a greeting all he could hear was muffling and distant voices.

"Kurt?"

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered, "Why are you ringing?"

"What's going on?" Blaine asked.

"I was busy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong Kurt," Blaine said almost exasperated, "I'm just ringing from my new apartment and I…" Why was he ringing?

"Look I need to go, Dave's coming in… Yeah it's just Rachel," Kurt said loudly as Dave obviously entered.

After a moment he continued. "Blaine? I need to go, why did you ring?" Kurt sounded tired.

"I just needed to speak to you I guess," Blaine said feeling pathetic, "I'll see you around then Kurt." And just as he was about to hang up, he could hear Kurt's clear voice call out on the line.

"Wait! Maybe we should meet…" Kurt said, whispering again.

"Ok," Blaine said, hope rising and a neutral place discussed to meet in twenty minutes.

xXx

Kurt hadn't known what he was doing. As he hung up, he looked around the bedroom in panic as if it knew the answers to his madness. The sound of despair in Blaine's voice - that was the reason, Kurt decided, he only wanted him to feel better about moving into a new place, leaving his boyfriend, that was why. But as Kurt thought about it, he remembered Blaine's parting words of 'I'll see you around Kurt' and they had thrown him. He knew he had planned not to contact Blaine again, decided not to blur the boundaries, concentrate on his relationship with Dave but on the phone when he needed to act, to make a conscious decision to breakaway, he couldn't do it. He couldn't not see the man that had made him feel alive again, with the ghost of his lips and fingers on his body, he couldn't turn away from that. So he had agreed to meet in a safe coffee shop where no one would know them, where there could be no repeat of earlier activities and conversation could take place. It was only as Kurt walked to the coffee shop, after explaining to Dave that Rachel needed some audition help, that he realised. Conversation between him and Blaine was half the trouble.

xXx

Kurt had further to go so Blaine had arrived first, finding a comfy corner seat and having remembered Kurt's coffee order from the other day, he waited patiently, tearing a napkin into shreds as he watched the door.

Kurt came through the door amongst a crowd and as they parted, walking to the counter, Kurt's eyes alighted on Blaine in the corner and his heart went out to the guy who clearly felt guilty and hated waiting. He walked calmly to his chair and stood by the table as Blaine got up in greeting. There was an awkward moment where they weren't sure how to greet each other but as a sort of hug was agreed, Kurt sat down opposite Blaine and thanked him for his coffee.

There was a silence for a while as Kurt settled and started to drink his coffee. He looked carefully at Blaine, not knowing where to start so he decided small talk.

"So how was the move? Are you ok?"

"Yeah," Blaine said, surprised at the topic, "The place is furnished so it was just a few of my things from Sebastian's place and Charlie helped." Blaine shrugged his shoulders and looked back to his shredded napkin, deciding to discard it and drink his coffee too.

"I'm glad you had someone to help," Kurt said quietly, knowing he had agreed to help the day before but not knowing how to apologise.

"Yeah," Blaine said not wanting to accuse but not knowing how to continue.

"Did you see Sebastian?"

"No he made himself scarce when I asked him to," Blaine said.

"Good," Kurt said, nodding and drinking more coffee.

"Look Kurt," Blaine said suddenly, aware of the time ticking and feeling foolish, "Why'd you go? I mean you left without a goodbye, left with nothing and I know it's awkward, know there's Dave but…" Blaine could only let it trail away, realising what he was asking, realising what they were doing.

"I'm sorry Blaine, I just couldn't stay. God, I've never felt so low and they all knew what we'd been doing and the walk was shameful and…" Tears sprung into his eyes but he was determined to blink them away. He would get this out.

"It can't happen again Blaine, I mean I have Dave and you have Sebastian and we can't do it again, we just can't."

"I'm not with Sebastian anymore," Blaine said, almost too loudly, "It doesn't have to be that way Kurt, you know it doesn't, we don't have to sneak around."

"And you want me to leave my boyfriend? We've just met Blaine and I hardly know you and…" Kurt just sighed.

"Look I know its mad," Blaine said, almost laughing, "But things with Sebastian have been going wrong for months and he knows it now and I can tell you haven't been happy with Dave, you don't even love him."

"You don't know that!" Kurt said, annoyed that this man knew so much already.

"I do, you won't admit it, but I know."

"He loves me," Kurt said weakly.

"And that's enough?"

"Yes for the time being," Kurt looked down at his hands, continued to whisper.

"Well I hope you'll be happy then," Blaine said bitterly, sitting back, looking at the dregs of coffee at the bottom of his mug.

Kurt sighed. "Maybe we can just be friends, see each other occasionally, get ourselves sorted; I mean nothing needs to happen just leave it for a while."

"Yeah ok," Blaine said, resigned to at least this small contact, this slither of hope.

"Where are you singing tonight?" Kurt said trying to change the topic, lighten his mood.

"Actually a little bar down this street. It's not a normal gig – they ask me to be a regular, give me a small fee to sing and appear there but anyone can sing and join in. I just sort of guarantee that at least someone will perform."

"Sounds good," Kurt said smiling as Blaine's face changed on the topic of music. His shoulders relaxed, his face broke into a smile, all of his sulk had disappeared. Kurt thought he looked beautiful.

"You should come," Blaine said eagerly, almost forgetting the pact mentioned a moment ago.

"I don't know…" Kurt said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Come on Kurt, I'll let you sing too and we can just forget what happened, can't we?" He looked so wide-eyed and hopeful that Kurt could only smile and agree, listening to Blaine's directions and agreeing to meet him there later.

xXx

As Kurt returned home to Dave who was watching the game in only a pair of shorts, he almost forgot the lie he had told and looked slightly confused when he was asked how Rachel had been.

"Oh she's great," Kurt said waving his hand dismissively, "She's always fine, she worries about nothing." He went into their bedroom to take his jacket off and returned to cuddle next to Dave on the sofa.

Something had shifted between them since last night and although Kurt hadn't been able to return Dave's feelings, they had shared something. Dave knew something had changed; Kurt felt more relaxed around him and didn't appear to be avoiding him any longer. They could maybe start to talk again and he had missed this side of Kurt – touchable, loving. He sighed into Kurt's hair as he kissed him sweetly and Kurt felt protected and loved. The knowledge that he had hurt Dave, that he had done something that would break him, made Kurt more determined for him never to find out. He had been foolish and in a moment of need he had slipped. He looked back and all he had really needed was to feel loved, cared for. It didn't matter that he had more in common with Blaine, that he could talk so easily with the guy with the amber eyes of liquid gold. He was fleeting and Dave was sturdy and there for the long haul. This thing with Blaine was thrilling but not real and Kurt wanted to be responsible. He snuggled closer to Dave but was soon hastily moved aside as Dave's team scored. Kurt never had a clue.

"I think I'll get ready," Kurt said, getting up.

"What for? Where are you going?"

"I said I'd meet Rachel for dinner, you don't mind do you? We haven't spoken properly for a while."

"You saw her earlier!"

"But that was to help, this is a proper catch-up tonight," Kurt said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Ok, don't be back too late." Dave turned back to look at the screen and Kurt didn't let himself think too much on the lie he had told and what it meant.

xXx

Kurt did have dinner with Rachel but he mentioned he was going to a bar later, conveniently leaving out the name of Blaine. She spoke on about her auditions and what she was practicing for. She had received a call-back for the audition she had prepared and she was all excitement as she spoke, completely oblivious to Kurt checking his watch and waiting for the cheque. They parted just after 9 and Kurt caught the subway to the bar he had agreed to meet Blaine.

As he entered, the little bar quiet and unassuming, Blaine was already playing but no one seemed to notice as they carried on chatting and drinking. His music seemed to change the atmosphere only subtly and as Kurt entered and walked to the bar to order a drink, a few more people looked at the piano, noticing the man behind the instrument and watching carefully. Kurt stayed at the bar to drink until Blaine had a break and walked over to join him, Kurt surprised he had been noticed.

"What are you drinking?" Blaine asked as he planned to order another one.

"I went out for dinner earlier, with Rachel," Kurt said conversationally, after a while.

"Oh yeah," Blaine said, "How was she?"

"She's ok thanks, still dreaming of Broadway and just waiting for it to happen. But it will one day, she's got a call-back tomorrow."

"Well that's exciting," Blaine said, genuinely pleased for her.

"Yeah she'll do well."

"You know you could do well, don't you?" Blaine whispered, not sure if he was over-stepping.

"I'm not Rachel," Kurt said.

"No, but that's not what makes you so awesome," Blaine said sincerely, "You have such a unique voice Kurt, you're special," he rubbed his elbow gently to emphasise the point.

Kurt ignored the tingle he felt next to this man and smiled.

"You should sing tonight," Blaine said excitedly, looking around at the small gathering of people. "There really is no better feeling than singing to a crowd, even a relatively small one." Kurt nodded. "Go on, you know you want to and I know they'll love you. I'll get Mike to play," he said, indicating another guy the other side of the bar, "He's great." He walked over to Mike and spoke to him before Kurt had the chance to change his mind or interrupt. Kurt could feel the nerves rise in his chest and as he looked around at the people barely noticing the music or lack of it, he knew they would be a tough crowd to please.

Mike tapped him gently on the shoulder and asked what he wanted to play and as he looked at Blaine, about to seat himself in the corner of the bar with his drink, settling to watch Kurt eagerly, he knew just the song to sing and he approached the piano.

He started to sing, as the piano started, the usual dance beat left out of the song so Kurt felt exposed and raw and he avoided Blaine's eager eyes.

_Will you tell me once again  
How we're gonna be just friends?  
If you're for real and not pretend  
Then I guess you can hang with me_

Blaine looked startled at the song choice as he recognised the words and as the realisation of the words sunk in, he watched carefully as Kurt continued. __

When my patience wearing thin  
When I'm ready to give in  
Will you pick me up again?  
Then I guess you can hang with me

And if you do me right  
I'm gonna do right by you  
And if you keep it tight  
I'm gonna confide in you  
I know what's on your mind  
There will be time for that too

_If you hang with me  
Hang with me_

_Just don't fall recklessly, heedlessly in love with me  
Cause it's gonna be  
All heartbreak, blissfully painful insanity  
If we agree  
Oh, you can hang with me  
_

The sincerity in Kurt's voice as he sung drew the crowd in as Blaine continued to watch. He knew he was being addressed, knew it was meant for him but at that moment he could only imagine what blissful and reckless joy it would be to have Kurt in his arms and the feeling startled him.

_When you see me drift astray  
Out of touch and out of place  
Will you tell me to my face?  
Then I guess you can hang with me_

And if you do me right  
I'm gonna do right by you  
And if you keep it tight  
I'm gonna confide in you  
I know what's on your mind  
There will be time for that too  
If you hang with me

Just don't fall recklessly, heedlessly in love with me  
Cause it's gonna be  
All heartbreak, blissfully painful insanity  
If we agree  
You can hang with me  


_Just don't fall recklessly, heedlessly in love with me  
Cause it's gonna be  
All heartbreak, blissfully painful insanity  
If we agree  
Oh, you can hang with me_

_Hang with me_

The lone voice of this man with just the piano, had people at the bar listening and listening carefully. Blaine had been mesmerised as Kurt sung, completely oblivious to those around him and as people started to clap enthusiastically, some even standing in applause, something in Blaine clicked and he started to walk towards Kurt. Kurt noticed and thanked Mike for playing as he walked off the little stage, stopping at the bar for a drink to calm his shaking hands.

"Please talk to me," Blaine whispered by his ear and Kurt closed his eyes against the tide of emotion threatening to engulf him. He thought he could do this, thought he could innocently meet Blaine and return to Dave, trusting and kind Dave, but he couldn't and he felt like the wicked witch of the west, about to melt on the floor of the bar.

He turned to look at Blaine, feigning confidence and smiled.

"I meant it Blaine," he gulped, "Nothing more needs to be said."

"Ok," Blaine nodded and swallowed what he wanted to say. He could do this, he could be Kurt's friend, could confide in him, help him when he thought he might give in, help him achieve his dreams. He could watch Kurt and listen to Kurt, knowing that someone else got to have him and he could be that friend that he needed. Because at that moment, the thought of being without Kurt, the thought of not seeing his eyes and hearing him sing, well that was too much.

Kurt smiled in understanding and they spoke about easy topics and how Kurt had recently applied again for NYADA and NYU this time, hoping to be accepted. Blaine encouraged him and was excited for him and Kurt managed to slip under the covers in his bed with Dave, without feeling guilty about his evening, without understanding the wrongness of the situation. Kurt only realised he had been saved.

**Song used**: 'Hang with Me' (acoustic version) by Robyn.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Kurt returned to normality – work, coffees with Rachel, discussion of Broadway and NYADA chat rooms but as Paris fashion week approached, he found himself deliberately spending less time with Blaine in order to get himself prepared for what was going to be a busy week of work.

Isabelle would of course be along the front row for most of the runways but Kurt would be second row, placed behind Isabelle and countless editors and important ladies, namely Anna Wintour and the thought of seeing the back of their heads was just as thrilling to Kurt as the thought of the new outfits. It would of course be work and he would need to memorise everyone's name and learn important information to use in networking drinks and events surrounding the runways but Kurt loved it all. He spent whole evenings learning all he needed off by heart and Dave came home one evening to find Kurt stacked with all the current editions of Vogue and his laptop.

"Still learning?" Dave said as he dropped his briefcase by the door and shrugged his coat off.

"Yeah, it never ends," Kurt said, barely looking up and Dave made him a fresh coffee and kicked off his shoes.

"Fancy a take out?"

"No, need to watch my weight," Kurt said, still reading chat rooms and fashion blogs to get the latest gossip and not looking up.

"Are you ever allowed free time while you're there? I mean will it just be you and Isabelle?" Kurt wondered why Dave was asking but he continued the conversation anyway.

"No, free time is still work. There'll be events, dinner dates and drinks around the runways and I'll be expected to discuss the shows with Vogue investors and VIPs. It'll be intense so I won't get time off but I won't have to stick to Isabelle like glue, although I'll be present wherever she'll be and we'll obviously have separate hotel rooms."

"So I couldn't come?" Dave tried to sound nonchalant but failed. He had been strangely needy as soon as he had said 'I love you' the other night and it had started to irk Kurt whose busy-ness had increased.

"Why would you want to come?" Kurt asked, "I mean it would be boring as hell for you and you wouldn't know anyone."

"I know but it would be nice to spend time with you and I wouldn't mind if it was dull for me, if it was important for you."

"Dave…" Kurt said, almost warning him not to continue, "You know it wouldn't be interesting for you and it's just work. I don't come along to your events."

"I know but you'll be gone a week and my events are dull."

Kurt looked carefully at Dave, not knowing how to continue without causing offence. If he was honest he didn't want him to come, only because he knew he would be bored and he didn't want to have to worry about entertaining and looking after someone else. He still hadn't returned Dave's profession of love and he knew Dave was getting more and more desperate to hear those three words. As soon as Kurt started to think about it, he would panic, trying to think and decide whether he did share those feelings and when or if he should say something. There was never a moment though and he would look at Dave and realise he had no surge of emotion when he looked at him, no moment of realisation. He felt terrible especially after the fuss he had made of future wedding plans. Blaine had been right, he had never thought he loved Dave, never really saw a future with him, couldn't see himself growing old with the guy but together they still remained. Kurt felt like a coward.

The week before fashion week dawned and Kurt spent more and more time at the office preparing himself and others for the week ahead. He knew emails and photo opportunities would increase ten-fold over the week and he would have a mountain of paper work to catch up on in the weeks after the rush but he was looking forward to seeing Paris, even in snapshots.

As he was rushing around the office one morning, sorting out the website and making phone calls for Isabelle as well as assuring travel and hotel arrangements were correct, he got a text from Blaine. They had text a few times over the last week or so but not met up and Blaine had settled into his sort of new, at least to him, apartment. He still felt like he was borrowing it despite the fact that his dad assured him he could have it for as long as he needed but Blaine was desperate to leave it and start in a new place. He had avoided all contact with Sebastian and dreaded to think about what state he would find him in if returned to collect some of his stuff.

To: Kurt [10.05]

**Are you still alive?**

To: Blaine [10.08]

**Only just, been extremely busy with prep for Paris. How you been? New place ok?**

To: Kurt [10.09]

**Fine thanks, settling in as well as can be expected. Free for a coffee or lunch? **

As Kurt thought about it and how much work he still had to do today, another beep came through.

To: Kurt [10.10]

**Come on Kurt – you need some kind of break, even just for half an hour and I'm kinda going crazy here in this apartment.**

Kurt thought then to Blaine, sitting in his dad's apartment, alone and finding it hard to adjust. Kurt did have a few errands he needed to run so maybe he could grab a quick lunch amidst it all.

To: Blaine [10.12]

**Ok, the same place as before? **

To: Kurt [10.13]

**Yay! Starting to think I'm a needy chick here. 1 o'clock ok?**

To: Blaine [10.19]

**Yep cu then.**

Kurt was being cold and it felt dreadful to be on the receiving end of abrupt and to the point text messages. Blaine could only guess he had offended him somehow, that he was so busy that he couldn't even afford to waste time on text messages but Blaine felt needy and silly as he sat in his borrowed apartment. He knew Kurt had deliberately cut contact slightly, obviously needing space but Blaine had sincerely hoped it was a temporary thing and wouldn't mean they would cease to see each other. Blaine had deliberately avoided friends apart from at the bar since his split from Sebastian and most people he knew worked during the day so he found his days were long and boring. He played music, practiced and wrote a few songs but nothing inspired him and it was becoming difficult to write music when your life was devoid of interest or joy. He realised in those hours how much Kurt had meant to him, even friendship, in the short time he had known him. He had looked forward to seeing Kurt for lunch or coffee and he missed his face when he played in a crowded bar. Kurt hadn't seen him play since he had sung _Hang with Me_ and Blaine missed him, missed the search for those blue piercing eyes amongst so many ordinary people. He knew he had to get out of the house before he met Kurt in three hours so he traipsed to his apartment that he was still paying rent towards that he had shared with Sebastian. He needed to see him again, see how he was getting on and if Sebastian was any closer to moving out or getting enough money together for his own place.

The place was quiet as he entered and he noticed the cleanliness immediately. He had often been the one to clean and tidy as Sebastian slept off a hangover but this time the skirting boards, doors and windows looked spotless. Someone had been doing serious spring cleaning since he had left over a week ago.

He could hear the muffled sound of the television as he entered the living room and he noticed Sebastian curled in a throw on the sofa, practically asleep watching daytime television and he looked up as Blaine entered.

"Blaine," he said eyes wide as he sat up, "You came back." He looked so full of happiness that Blaine almost cringed at the thought that he would have to disappoint him.

"Just to see how things were Seb, see how _you_ were." Sebastian relaxed his shoulders slightly and smiled.

"I'm ok thanks," he said then turned off the television to look at Blaine properly.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Sebastian was touched at Blaine's concern, another reason to be hopeful and he stroked his arm as Blaine sat next to him on the sofa.

"The apartment is really clean," Blaine said.

"Yeah, I've been cleaning a lot recently, it helps me to think." Sebastian shrugged his shoulders in embarrassment, "I'm glad you're here, really glad."

Blaine smiled in encouragement and the thought that he could make this work, that Sebastian could make an effort filled him with a bit of anxiety about the whole situation. He couldn't quite place the reason.

"So how have you been?" Blaine asked again, not wanting to ask the real questions about the drink, about money and jobs.

"I've stopped drinking Blaine," he said smiling, proud of himself, "I've been looking for jobs, I want to get sorted, for you." His smile got wider.

"That's great Seb," he smiled widely in return, "But you should do these things for yourself, not worry about me." Sebastian's smile faltered and he looked down.

"It's not that you shouldn't have a reason," Blaine continued "But you should do this for yourself."

"I know, I am, it's just, you made me realise where I was going wrong. I shouldn't have done what I did," he stuttered on the last phrase, clearly uncomfortable with the thought of his actions, "You do believe that's not who I am, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do Seb, I know it's not you."

"But?" Blaine smiled ruefully.

"But I think you expect more from me than I'm willing to give Seb. I mean I can help you, with whatever you need but I don't know about staying. I can't be with you like this."

Sebastian seemed crushed but almost as if he expected such a response. He nodded in acceptance.

"I think it's great, what you're doing, I really do but I think we've been going wrong for a while, don't you?"

Sebastian looked at Blaine, not knowing what to say. The alcohol had such a way of fogging his opinion and clarity that he really didn't know what he thought anymore, he had been too intent on a good time. He hadn't really noticed that things had changed, that there was nothing left. He felt a bit broken all over again at the thought that he couldn't win Blaine back after all and it was never that simple.

"We'll still be friends?" Sebastian said, again the hope rising in his voice.

"Yeah definitely," Blaine said smiling, "I'll always be here for you Seb, I promise."

Sebastian nodded sadly and suddenly he had the great urge to drink but he started to scratch his palms instead.

xXx

Kurt felt rushed as he continued to sort things in the morning in the hope that he might still see Blaine but time seemed to slip through his fingers and he found himself rushing to the coffee shop nearly half an hour late. Blaine was still sitting there, reading the book he had brought and already surrounded by coffee cups. Kurt could see a cold cup of coffee, clearly bought for him, next to Blaine's empty mug on the coffee table. Blaine looked up as Kurt came stumbling in and breathing heavily.

"I'm so sorry Blaine; I got caught up with stuff. Have you been here long?" He felt himself cringe as he wanted to take back the most obvious of statements to rush out of his mouth.

"Yeah, it's ok. I'll get you another coffee," but as he stood Kurt pushed his shoulder down gently.

"No don't be silly, I'll get you another coffee, it's the least I can do."

As Kurt approached the counter and waited in line, Blaine could finally look at him. Kurt was impeccably dressed as usual and he looked cosy with his new scarf, or at least one Blaine hadn't seen before. He looked rushed, checking his watch every so often as he waited in line and Blaine felt silly that he had been leisurely waiting for him, having nothing else to do. It suddenly occurred to him that maybe Kurt meant more to him than Blaine meant to Kurt and it didn't sit so well. Kurt came back with several cookies and new coffees.

"So what's had you so rushed?" Blaine asked as Kurt sat opposite him on the sofa, "You didn't seem so busy before." Blaine tried to keep the hurt out of his voice but he wasn't as successful as he had hoped. Kurt only took a deep breath before answering.

"I'm off to Paris next week for fashion week. I get to sit behind Isabelle and all the fashion elite and see the famous runways. I know I won't get this chance again and I have to make sure that I'm perfect, that everything is perfect." Blaine felt sad as he looked at Kurt and his hunt for perfection. Blaine felt so beneath perfect, that he could only envy Kurt's search and feel empty.

"Wow that sounds amazing…" Blaine looked down, took his cookie and coffee, anything to keep his hands occupied, his fingers remembering the touch of Kurt's skin, his eyes remembering the soft outline of his body.

"Yeah it will be, I just worry that it won't go smoothly."

"What have you been doing to prepare?"

"Reading up on every single person I could possibly meet, memorising important facts and gossip and understanding big designer concepts at the moment. It's exhausting."

"Is Dave going with you?"

At the mention of his boyfriend's name, Kurt almost sunk his head into his shoulders, but he shook his head.

"No, it's not his kind of thing, he's staying at home." Blaine nodded in understanding.

"How have you been? Have you settled into your new place?" Kurt asked, anything to change topic.

"Sort of, it doesn't feel like home but I'm lucky my dad still has that place. I saw Sebastian today, went round to our place and he had cleaned up – the house and himself by the looks of it. It felt really strange to be back, like I'd gone back in time."

"That's good," Kurt said, smiling wanly. If Sebastian cleaned himself up he knew there would be a chance that Blaine would go back to him and he couldn't really blame him, he'd refused to leave Dave, had decided to leave his options open, indecisive and uncertain. He felt childish, like he couldn't commit to anyone or anything but at least he had Paris, an escape for a week of fashion and glitz. The guy sitting opposite him seemed determined to bring him down to earth and remind him of his guilt and failures. Blaine licked the edge of his coffee cup where the foam had escaped and Kurt's mind flashed an image of that tongue being used for a more pleasurable reason. Kurt gulped.

"I think so," Blaine was saying, carrying on his conversation, "I mean I hope he'll keep going now he knows I don't intend to get back with him." Kurt raised an eyebrow at this development and Blaine continued. "I didn't want him to be doing it just for me, I mean it needs to come from him, doesn't it? You can only change for yourself." Kurt nodded in agreement.

"You'll keep in touch with him though? I mean he sounds like he needs good friends at least."

"Oh yeah, I'll definitely help him. He's been in my life for years now and I know he can't do it on his own. I just feel tired by it all but at the same time, just desperate for something to happen." He looked so small, Kurt could imagine him as a five year old child being disappointed in a present he had received for Christmas. "Do you ever want something to happen Kurt?" he asked, looking up at him sincerely, his lashes fanning out beautifully around his wide eyes. "I just have this need to feel alive, to really feel something." He clasped his hands together but almost couldn't express himself the way he wanted. Kurt smiled.

"I always want something to happen Blaine," he said, thinking back to how he always felt at work, sitting reading emails, checking blogs, commenting on outfits. It wasn't the life he wanted, he felt cheated.

"Maybe we should make things happen, I mean you are already," Blaine said gesturing towards Kurt, "You're off to Paris, living a dream and I'm still going to be here, whiling away my days and waiting for things to happen at night."

"Paris isn't everything Blaine, it isn't really my dream."

"I haven't forgotten your real dreams Kurt and I know you should dream big but the smaller dreams are just as special."

"I don't really mean that, I guess I think that the smaller dreams are just as important. The people you spend your dreams with, that's the most important part and I don't know, I just…" Kurt didn't know how to finish, how to reveal his all to someone. He knew that his relationship with David wasn't good enough and that he was settling but the thought of leaving that for something unknown was scary. The look on Blaine's face suggested he knew exactly what Kurt was talking about.

"Never settle, always dream," Blaine whispered looking at Kurt carefully. Kurt seemed to mull over the statement.

"Well think of me as you jet off to Paris and see all the stars, the fashion elite, the models." Blaine laughed. "Think of me sitting by my piano writing sad break-up songs and playing in small bars across town while you sip champagne and talk fashion with glittery ladies."

"Come with me," Kurt said suddenly and the wide grin was wiped off Blaine's face as he spoke.

"What?"

"Come with me, to Paris." Kurt didn't know what was quite being said, and why he was saying it but he continued nonetheless.

"Do you mean it?" Blaine asked incredulous.

"I think so," Kurt said, laughing with the insanity of it all. "Why not? It'll be boring on my own and as long as you can get another flight I don't see why you can't go."

Blaine didn't want to mention David and the many reasons why he shouldn't go or where he would stay while he was there in Paris, the city of love, so he just smiled widely.

"I mean that would be awesome Kurt, do you think they'd mind?"

"Who Vogue? I'm sure you can get tickets to some of the smaller shows and Isabelle might have connections that can sort it out. If not you can always enjoy a free trip to Paris."

"Where would I stay?" Blaine looked loathed to ask such a loaded question but Kurt took it in his stride.

"You can book a room somewhere surely?"

"Oh yeah of course," Blaine nodded over-eager, feeling foolish.

"Look I need to get back," Kurt said, looking hastily at his watch and suddenly feeling the need to depart, "Can I text you the details later?"

"Oh yeah sure, whatever's easier," Blaine looked panicked, like the offer would be returned and he would have to carry on as normal. "I'll see you soon then…"

"Yeah definitely," Kurt got up and smiled, not quite sure what he was doing or why he was arranging this but Blaine did strange things to him and he felt like a magnet, drawn to danger, drawn to this fantastic guy and his warm eyes. He leant in and kissed Blaine on the cheek in goodbye and as he lingered, Blaine sighed uncontrollably, closing his eyes. Kurt left.

Blaine sat for a while on the sofa dazed and beautifully confused.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The following week was rushed for Blaine, finding a last minute flight and finalising plans. He had to explain to bar owners why he would need to postpone gigs he had booked and the nature of his work meant that there was no such thing as holiday money but he used all of his remaining savings for the trip regardless. It felt strange to Blaine, normally so responsible with money and his heart, to be spending frivolously and with a guy he had only met a few weeks ago but it actually made him feel lighter; as if parting from Sebastian had made him younger, more carefree.

He made a point of seeing Sebastian nearly every day for coffee and Sebastian actually seemed genuine when he asked for help to look for jobs. Blaine helped in any way he could and although he had at first thought it beneath him to go for jobs on minimum wage, Sebastian ended up applying for everything that Blaine suggested. Blaine knew to keep his distance, to make it quite clear they were friends but Sebastian would sometimes look at him carefully, hope evident in his eyes. He told him he was going on holiday the following week but neglected to mention who he was travelling with and Sebastian, though disappointed Blaine wouldn't be around, assured him that he would stay sober while he was away.

Kurt on the other hand seemed to be sinking under his decision to invite Blaine along on his trip to Paris and Dave's mere presence seemed to irk him. He reminded Kurt that he wasn't perfect, that he made mistakes and Kurt could hardly bear to look at him. It was only as preparations were finally being finalised, and Kurt felt sort of ready for his trip of a lifetime, that he realised what needed to be done.

He had spent any time he had free, thinking over what he wanted, who he wanted and what he wanted to become. He could not bear the thought that he was a cheater and although he had not repeated the action the deed was still there like a dark black splodge of ink on the white paper of his life. He wanted to feel free and Dave around the apartment became a constant reminder, though he was always loving and considerate of Kurt's hectic life. Kurt felt annoyed almost constantly and it began to eat away at him.

He found himself looking at Dave from his seat on the kitchen stool as Dave prepared their dinner, the night before he was to go to Paris. Dave was oblivious to Kurt's gaze as he cut the vegetables and watched the boiling pots on the stove but Kurt looked at him carefully nonetheless. It suddenly dawned on him that he had known all along how he felt, that he was just prolonging the inevitable and although cruel perhaps it would be best to have this conversation now, the day before Kurt would go away for a week. Maybe it would give them the time they both needed to sort out their lives and priorities. Maybe Dave would understand. Maybe Kurt should just run.

As Dave's back was turned towards the hob, Kurt found himself standing and speaking, almost feeling detached from his body, like he was watching himself speaking.

"I think we need to break up Dave," he was saying. Dave obviously heard as his hand stilled, spoon in hand over the pot but he took the longest time to turn to face Kurt, needing to be sure he had heard correctly.

"What…" Dave whispered and the silence afterwards caused Kurt to leap in, without fear of the consequences, without thought to who he was hurting.

"I'm sorry I really am but I think this has been heading this way for a while and I can't go on pretending for much longer, it's killing me." He had started to ramble, feeling the words tumble out of his mouth and without taking much of a breath he carried on.

"I mean I know you love me, and I'm really sorry if I'm hurting you but I need to say this I think, it's killing me, I can't keep it to myself any longer and I just," he gulped a breath inwards, "I need you to know and I know this is rubbish timing but…" He had run out of words and Dave's sorrowful expression said all that he wanted to say in return. Dave simply sat on the stool opposite Kurt, not saying a word and looking at his hands placed on the breakfast bar in front of them.

"Dave? Say something," Kurt pleaded.

"Wow," he whispered, and after the longest pause where Kurt decided to sit again, he continued. "Why? I thought we were doing ok?" He finally looked to Kurt and his eyes were swimming. Kurt felt his heart sink in pain.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You don't love me?" There was such hurt in Dave's eyes at the thought that this could be true, Kurt couldn't say, couldn't crush him that much.

"I don't know Dave, I've never been sure and I really don't want to be in a relationship where I'm not sure."

"I love you Kurt," he said and the knowledge seemed to crush Dave a little bit more. Kurt said nothing, could only look down.

"I think I'll stay at a hotel tonight, near the airport," he said as he stood up. Dave looked at him and nodded in understanding.

As Kurt left an hour later, with his newly packed luggage, he took once last look at Dave, still in the same position as he had left him. Despite his stature, Dave had never looked smaller and more lost and Kurt couldn't help but let a tear fall down his pale cheek as he left, feeling like the blackest ink smudge on Dave's life.

xXx

He wasn't sure what led him to that particular bar that night. He vaguely remembered that Blaine would be playing there tonight but it was also near the hotel he had booked himself into and he needed a drink. He resolutely looked down as he entered, the coldness of the air around him causing his face to tingle as he went into the warm bar. Kurt could hear the keys of the piano before he noticed who was playing.

_All along it was a fever__  
__A cold sweat hot-headed believer__  
__I threw my hands in the air I said show me something__  
__He said, if you dare come a little closer_

_Round and around and around and around we go__  
__Ohhh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know_

Blaine had no idea who had just walked in, but Kurt came closer, almost drawn to the man at the piano, Blaine's hooded brown eyes looking at the keys in front of him. Kurt knew he was singing to him, about him, though he didn't look his way and he could feel himself going round and round, images flowing through his mind of a warm body pressed against his and lips along his neck. __

_It's not much of a life you're living__  
__It's not just something you take, it's given__  
__Round and around and around and around we go__  
__Ohhh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know_

_Not really sure how to feel about it__  
__Something in the way you move__  
__Makes me feel like I can't live without you__  
__It takes me all the way__  
__I want you to stay_

As Blaine sang on he let his head rise on the longer note, his eyes closed almost in pain at the thought of Kurt staying in his life, realising he couldn't live without him. As his eyes opened, he seemed to sense that Kurt was there, was watching and his gaze alighted on Kurt's blue piercing eyes in the darkness of the bar. __

_Ohhh the reason I hold on__  
__Ohhh cause I need this hole gone__  
__Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving__  
__Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving_

_Not really sure how to feel about it__  
__Something in the way you move__  
__Makes me feel like I can't live without you__  
__It takes me all the way__  
__I want you to stay, stay__  
__I want you to stay, ohhh_

His gaze had never left Kurt's but it suddenly seemed too painful to keep on watching as the song ended, his gaze dropped and Blaine felt like he'd lost a childish game of 'who could stare the longest'. He continued to play the piano, not really forming tunes that the crowd would know, merely letting his fingers fall over the keys melodiously. Kurt watched, almost mesmerised at his ability to play with his soul. Eventually Blaine sang other, well-known songs for the crowd at the bar and some joined in as Kurt continued to watch, sipping his drink and then going to the bar to get another one. Blaine finished his set after a few songs and after thanking the crowd he wandered straight to Kurt's little table near the back, almost as if he had no choice. Fate had decided.

"Hi," he whispered as he sat down next to Kurt and he simply nodded to one of the barmen who then brought him a drink a few moments later.

"Hi," Kurt said in reply, not sure how to start or even how to explain.

"Did you like the set?" Blaine asked timidly.

"Yeah, it was nice, you're always great Blaine." Kurt looked around him but found his gaze wandering to Blaine's face again in the silence.

"What are doing here?" Blaine asked kindly.

"I left Dave," he said simply, "Needed a drink and I don't really know the rest."

"You left Dave?" Blaine asked, eyebrow raised incredulously. Kurt nodded.

"You were right Blaine," he said, though it pained him to admit it, "I never loved him, I loved the idea of a relationship and as I sat there watching him cook dinner, I knew that I had known all along. I had sat there with him, gone to bed with him, gone out with him, knowing that I felt nothing, that I would feel nothing. But I started to feel a bit dead inside though, you know?"

"Yeah I know," Blaine said nodding in painful understanding. He didn't say what he wanted to say, didn't rush forward like his body urged him, he waited.

"Are you booked on a flight tomorrow?" Kurt asked, changing the topic.

"Yeah, the 9 o'clock so with the time difference I'll practically have the whole day in Paris."

"I'm on an earlier flight, so I'd probably better get back," Kurt said as he got up.

Blaine looked up in wonder at the abrupt end to their conversation and before he had recovered, Kurt was almost out the door.

"Hey Kurt wait," he said as he grabbed his arm, "Let me walk with you." Kurt looked surprised but nodded as he put his jacket on and walked out of the bar.

They walked in silence, hands thrust in pockets and faces down to brace against the cold wind. Kurt felt a little lost and coming to the bar hadn't helped like he had wanted. Blaine was at a loss for what to say, not knowing how to make it better but so desperate to make a difference. They walked to Kurt's temporary hotel and as Kurt turned to say goodbye, Blaine noticed tears had pooled in his eyes as they had walked in silence and he found his hand reaching out to Kurt, stroking his arm, trying to impart something, anything to help Kurt, to make it stop.

Kurt smiled at Blaine, understanding everything conveyed in Blaine's imploring gaze. They agreed to meet somewhere in Paris the next day, before the shows started and Kurt would have to 'work'. Blaine simply kissed him slowly on the cheek and left Kurt standing there, tears streaming down his face. Never had he felt so lost.

xXx

Kurt had never slept as deeply as he did in that cheap hotel room and he awoke feeling less fuzzy and confused. He had spent so many weeks of dozing for a few hours each night, never fully relaxed with Dave next to him, always aware of the lie in his life, that as soon as he was alone he could relax. As he showered he thought to what the day might hold, thought back to that kiss on the cheek the night before and he realised life was for living and he would need to start today. Paris awaited him and he wouldn't miss this opportunity to see it in all its glory.

He met Isabelle early for the flight and they travelled together sharing gossip and watching old French movies on the small screen in front of them. He dozed again a little later and Isabelle woke him gently as they prepared to land. Kurt could feel the excitement build as they landed, a place so far away from all his troubles that he felt lighter despite the sinking in his stomach as the plane touched down.

They found their hotel quite easily after taking their cab from the airport and Kurt settled into his room, preparing the folders of information he had brought with him and placing his clothes neatly in the wardrobe provided. As he looked around at his ordered room, he felt his life becoming more ordered too and he sighed, knowing that everything would be fine for this week. He was away, he could enjoy this trip for its beauty alone.

After a while he went to meet Blaine at the park entrance they had agreed the day before and Kurt grabbed a coffee on the way, so when Blaine approached he was sipping it slowly in the cold. Blaine's eyes seemed to sing in happiness as he approached, relief dripping from him as he saw Kurt.

"We're here," Blaine said excitedly as he sat next to Kurt on the bench. Kurt nodded.

"I can't believe it actually, I'm really glad to be here and I never thought I would be. Shall we get a coffee?" Kurt said.

They walked through Parc des Buttes Chaumont, one of the biggest parks in Paris and slightly set apart from the bustle of the city. Kurt had heard of its beauty from the internet so it had been the first place he had thought to meet Blaine when they discussed it yesterday. The paths were lined with trees like all the French parks here but there were overgrown wonders, with a waterfall and a grotto, almost like a fairy tale and as Blaine gazed around the park his eyes landed on le temple de la Sibylle on the hill, set apart and feeling almost like the palace at Disneyland. They walked up to the little alcove there, like a bird cage, set apart and precious at a height away from the bustle of Paris below. Blaine sighed in pleasure as he looked down at the beauty and Kurt could only gaze almost lovingly at the man he had brought here and the only person he had really wanted.

As they sat and watched Paris below them, the silence not uncomfortable, Kurt started thinking about how his body had reacted towards Blaine over the last few weeks, how it had overridden his mind and his rational thought. He constantly wandered what power this man held over him and as Blaine continued to admire the view of Paris, Kurt looked at him carefully. Blaine's eyes were almost aglow with amazement at where he found himself and his beautiful mouth was slightly open in awe. Kurt had always admired Blaine's beauty but looking at him here, he could sense his whole beauty – the fact that he loved this place already, loved the beauty, felt the wonder, made Kurt's heart swoop that this guy was here with him and was already so important to him. He had always been able to talk to him, reveal so much more than all his friends knew about him, and confess secrets that not even Dave knew. Blaine seemed to look into his soul and he saw and understood. Kurt knew he had been reticent recently, upset that he wasn't who he wanted to be, but he knew Blaine would accept him as he was and he needed to explore something, anything with him. He knew he craved him really and it surprised him that he was capable of such a feeling after his relationship with David.

Blaine seemed to realise Kurt's thoughts were not on the view ahead of them and he turned to face Kurt, his eyes shining amongst the beauty of the temple. He smiled warmly, encouraging Kurt to speak, to say what was on his mind, but Kurt knew there was only one way to convey what he wanted. He leaned forward and took Blaine's breath away as he captured his lips in a soft slow kiss that became more fervent as Kurt became more desperate to be understood. Blaine wove his arm around Kurt's waist, bringing him closer and licked slowly at Kurt's bottom lip, which caused his lips to part. Their lips and tongues moved together, exploring and sharing, and a gasp could be heard slither between them. As they parted, both with flushed cheeks, Kurt only smiled timidly as Blaine looked so debauched and undone in front of him.

"Wow," Blaine whispered, eyes twinkling. Kurt smiled widely.

"Do you think we could start again Blaine?" Kurt asked shyly.

"No," Blaine shook his head sadly and Kurt suddenly looked worried. "That would mean none of this had ever happened, that our conversations over late night breakfast had never happened, that we hadn't sung to each other and felt something more. I couldn't do that Kurt, those moments are my best memories." Kurt seemed to understand. "That doesn't mean we haven't made mistakes but they're done now and there is only the future and it looks pretty glorious to me." And Blaine looked out at the view again, so high, revealing so much of the world below that the future seemed to stretch before them, endless in its possibilities as long as they were together.

**Songs used**:

'_Stay'_ by Rihanna and Mikky Ekko


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Their first fashion show of the week was to be H & M – the brand had decided to show for the first time in eight years and Isabelle decided she would catch up on sleep and get her hair and nails done rather than attend. As a consequence Kurt had an extra ticket to the event and Blaine's eyes, as he relayed the information on their way to dinner, told him he would be delighted to attend instead.

They had a simple French meal and Blaine was like an excited puppy as he waited for his appetiser. Kurt laughed.

"Maybe taking you along was a bad idea," he said, smiling, "I hope you don't embarrass me at the actual show."

"Hey," Blaine said, almost hurt, "I won't embarrass you, I'm just happy to be here." He went suddenly serious as he finished, "Especially with you." Kurt looked at him carefully and he couldn't help but settle and relax his shoulders where they had been tensed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be grouchy, I just worked really hard for this. I don't think you'll embarrass me, I think I'll embarrass me." He looked worked up and worried and Blaine wanted to give him a massage but noticing their location decided against it. He would store it in his memory for later.

"You'll be fine. Just think about all those designers awaiting your opinion. They want to show off, want to be the best and desire your good opinion. They must be much more nervous."

"You're always so optimistic, doesn't it get tiring?" Kurt said, after he had looked at Blaine for a while. Kurt had still felt dogged by Dave's presence, despite his split and he worried he would never feel free. Blaine had never looked more set apart, more aware of who he was and happy with it. Kurt envied him.

"No I just think that life is for living. I know I've made mistakes but I think we're a sum of our mistakes and experiences and I wouldn't change anything that happened to me. I don't regret anything I've done."

"Not even what we did?"

"You regret it?" Blaine asked, feeling hurt. Kurt wanted to take back the question. Regret was the wrong word and the expression on Blaine's face needed to be erased.

"No, I don't regret the act, I regret the order I did things. I never meant to hurt anyone and now Dave's at home feeling sorry for himself, probably wondering what went wrong."

"But you didn't love him?"

"I don't know, maybe on some level I did. He was my safe haven I guess, made me feel safe."

"Because he was your teenage bully," Blaine said flatly.

"That's not fair, he's much more than that," Kurt said indignantly. Blaine mouthed his apology.

"I think I made him more than that," Kurt continued, "I think when I forgave him for all he did in high school, he became what he had wanted to be all along. I always felt protected, always secure. I knew myself and although he was different it didn't matter." Blaine looked sad at this admission, as if this took away from their own relationship. Blaine suddenly wondered what they were, what they could ever become.

"I don't think I ever felt that with Sebastian," Blaine said, "I was always the one that protected, always the one to give in. I wanted it to be equal but I knew it never would be."

"I wanted to be equal too but for different reasons. I always felt I needed protecting from myself, maybe I'm grown up enough now to manage on my own."

"Yeah, I think you are," Blaine said, "But I think the best relationships are where you feel protected and safe but equal. I think we all need saving sometimes."

Kurt looked at Blaine – his eyes aglow with emotion and his smile sad – and wondered what they could be.

"What do you think about us now?" Kurt asked in the quiet, the restaurant seeming to almost stop and listen too, the hush of quiet conversation going on with couples all around them.

"You once said we were in between," Blaine said, "I think we're still there but there could be more, don't you think?" He looked hopeful and Kurt thought that as long as Blaine was here, as long as they could talk, could laugh and be transported away, that Kurt would feel safe after all.

"Yes, I do," Kurt said finally as their appetisers arrived and they ordered wine.

xXx

The H & M show was colourful and although Blaine was behind Kurt who was seated in the front row, Kurt could his gasps of excitement as another brightly coloured strapless dress was revealed. Some of the ladies had such cinched in waists and the dresses were buttoned up so high, they looked austere in all their cold beauty and Kurt smiled at them as they walked past, determined to get them to break. Of course they did not.

There was a simple drinks event afterwards and Kurt milled about with Blaine, not feeling confident enough to introduce himself. A few people looked their way but not knowing who they were, they stayed away. Kurt could feel himself relax slightly as more champagne was offered his way and Blaine nibbled on the vol au vents. He looked on the people barely eating and talking animatedly about fashion, with barely contained jealousy and Blaine looked at him.

"They're never going to be happy, you know," Blaine said, indicating the sycophants and models.

"I know, they don't really look that happy to be honest."

"So why do you want to be them? Why are you jealous?"

"Because their world seems perfect, they've created the illusion so well. That's what fashion is all about."

"Constructing yourself?"

"Exactly. You could be anyone you wanted to be, you just have to tailor your outfit to suit your mood or character. It's a lot like acting."

"But what's the real you?" Blaine asked smiling, knowing he was asking the impossible.

"I think I'll never know," Kurt said sadly, looking at Blaine, finally taking his eyes away from the models. "But I want to know."

After a few hours in the company of the perfect, Blaine and Kurt decided to walk around the local sights and ended up near the Jardins du Trocadéro with its cascades of water rising in the air. There were a few tourists enjoying the view of the Eiffel Tower, lit up and majestic and Blaine simply stood there, watching with his mouth agape.

"I can't believe I'm here," he said as he resolutely stared ahead. Kurt could only look at Blaine's beauty and wonder how this man could be near him when he felt so ugly. As Blaine turned slowly in the glow of the Eiffel Tower, his eyes suddenly seemed to be on fire and Kurt gasped.

"Your eyes…" he whispered and Blaine smiled, leaning closer.

"Yours look just as amazing," Blaine whispered and he continued to move closer to Kurt's lips, their eyes locked and Kurt felt the pull, like they were attached by some invisible cord and he knew he couldn't resist, knew he could die trying. Their lips met, eyes still open and as they started to move against each other, Blaine placed his arm around Kurt's waist, bringing him closer. As they parted, Kurt looked stunned and Blaine turned to the beauty ahead of them again.

"I sometimes think there's a cord between us," Kurt whispered, though he felt silly.

"So why resist it?" Blaine turned to look at Kurt with affection and smiled.

xXx

Blaine walked Kurt to his hotel, never mentioning where he himself had booked a room. The implication was clear and Kurt couldn't deny him, didn't want to say how he was feeling. It seemed inevitable and Kurt was done fighting.

They walked into the hotel and when they were finally alone in the elevator, Kurt looking apprehensive, as if just this simple action defined him. Blaine noticed his expression and stroked his hand that was resting by his side.

"You don't mind if I come up?" he asked suddenly shy, "We can just talk."

"Yeah that would be nice," Kurt said smiling as they came out of the elevator and Kurt put his key card through the door. Kurt fixed them drinks as Blaine took off his suit jacket and sat on the only chair.

"Sit on the bed," Kurt said as he took off his own jacket and shoes and rested his back on the headboard. He indicated the space next to him, so Blaine would not settle just for the end of the bed, so far away.

"What are you worried about?" Blaine asked as they settled back on the headboard and he watched Kurt close in eyes in peace.

"Nothing and everything," Kurt cryptically, his eyes remaining closed.

"Ok, then we need to rest until the world is sorted," Blaine said, closing his eyes too against the outside. They sat like that for several minutes, almost dozing with their heads remaining upright when Kurt stole a glance at Blaine and smiled.

"This probably wasn't what you had in mind when you came up, was it?" Kurt said laughing.

"No but I get it Kurt, break ups are tough. I know my relationship with Sebastian was ending ages ago, I just didn't want to admit it. I can be whatever you want me to be."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you do that?"

"Be your friend?" Kurt nodded. "Because I want you in my life Kurt. I know relationships are tough, I know that life can be mundane and troublesome sometimes but friends like you are for life. I've never felt more connected to someone, I've never been able to share as much as I do with you and know that I am listened to in return. Maybe we did things in the wrong order but I know. I know you're going to be in my life for years to come because I need you to be." Tears appeared in Kurt's eyes at the simplicity of his statements, how he believed in their relationship so definitely, whatever it was now. He rested his head on Blaine's shoulder as a tear escaped slowly.

"I think I need you in my life Blaine, more than anyone." And he let the tears fall, knowing that Blaine would be here after he had cried his last.

**A/N**: Sorry for all the Kurt angst but there will be more Paris fun times in the next chapter – anyone interested in Klaine in Paris need to read my fic _Airborne_ (shameless plug!)


	11. Chapter 11

**Warnings**: For love-making not smut!

Chapter 11

The next few days were a rush for Kurt, barely having a moment to himself, he whizzed from one show to another, always by Isabelle's side. Just like he had anticipated he was introduced to so many people and thankfully, due to his painstaking research, he already knew their names and related gossip, otherwise he'd never remember any information relayed to him. Balenciaga, Balmain, Christian Dior, Vivienne Westwood, Givenchy, Stella McCartney – all were fabulous and Kurt couldn't see the shows without his mouth widening in awe at their beauty. He had always loved fashion but seeing these amazing creations and the stunning shows had never made him feel more alive.

Vivienne Westwood's dresses that draped over the body or the ones encrusted with jewels stood out to Kurt who loved the heart shapes shaded over their faces in white or brown. Christian Dior's show stood out in a _Hunger Games_ sort of way, with strong blues and greys for the menswear – with straight lines, sleeveless suit jackets or longer jackets like doctor coats. The season's menswear seemed to scream futuristic and Kurt couldn't wait to make his own versions of these outfits. He madly wrote down all his ideas and ways he could turn old items in his wardrobe to fit with contemporary styles. He noted themes and powerful messages and came out of all the shows with ideas and images buzzing in his head.

He rarely had time to stop but when he did he would always find Blaine. He felt incredibly guilty for spending all his time with Isabelle at the shows but he had been unable to get him any tickets and it didn't look like there were any spare for the next few days but Blaine came to stand in line with Kurt as he entered, on the chance that someone might have a ticket but he had always been disappointed. Kurt would end each evening at Blaine's hotel room, delighting him with stories and describing what he had seen, no matter the hour.

After seeing Stella McCartney's show at 10am, Isabelle had said that Kurt could have a few hours to himself to enjoy the city and that he wouldn't be needed until the following day when Chanel, Valentino and Alexander McQueen were all showing. This was of course the anticipated day for Kurt and he almost buzzed with excitement at the thought. He stood waiting for Blaine outside his hotel after seeing Stella McCartney's show as they planned to have lunch.

"Sorry I'm late," Blaine said as he rushed out of his hotel. It had been a late night for both of them the night before as Kurt had talked with Blaine until the early hours. He had met him after a late show and drinks, and although Kurt had been tired when he woke early this morning, he had had enough Parisian coffee to wake him up. Blaine looked like he could use a caffeine fix now. He had barely sorted his hair, many of his curls wiggling free but he looked amazing in his tight jeans and a blue sweater and Kurt's breath hitched at the sight.

"Blaine…"

"Yeah," he said as he patted his pockets to check he had everything he needed and finally placing his eyes on Kurt's surprised face.

"You look amazing…" Kurt whispered. Blaine chuckled at Kurt's expression.

"That's quite a compliment coming from a guy that's seen so many great fashion outfits over the last few days." Kurt seemed to shake himself out of his reverie and smiled. "Where shall we go?"

"I saw a cute little place on my way here that didn't look that busy," Kurt said.

"Sounds good," Blaine said as they started walking. "So who did you see this morning?"

"Stella McCartney. I liked the colours and the cuts – very flattering to the older woman I think, but nothing really for me. It was worth getting out of bed for though." He finished and smiled. "You must be bored with all of my chats about clothes by now," Kurt said grimacing then pointing at the café he had noticed across the road. They stepped in and Blaine found them seats while Kurt ordered their usual drinks.

"I'm not," Blaine said as Kurt returned with their coffees.

"Sorry?" he said raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not bored with your chats, like you said earlier," he said smiling at Kurt's confusion. "I like hearing you talk about things, especially when you're happy and enthusiastic."

"Why?" Kurt whispered, sure he was going to be embarrassed.

"Because your eyes go wide and earnest and you light up. Who wouldn't want to see that?" Blaine smiled shyly as Kurt's face went red.

"You get like that when you talk about music and your set lists," Kurt said.

"Really?" Kurt nods. "Sebastian never really wanted to see me play, I always thought that I must be mediocre or maybe I embarrassed him when he saw me play when I was younger."  
"Are you serious Blaine?" Kurt said, sitting up straighter, looking wide eyed. "You're amazing. I love seeing you play."

"Thanks Kurt, that means a lot."

"I'm sorry that this trip may not have been what you were expecting though. I mean we're here in the city of love and you're on your own most of the time."

"It's been good actually. I've managed to spend a lot of time wandering around or seeing the sights. Paris is beautiful and I'm just glad I get to see it."

"Good," Kurt said nodding, "But now that I have the day off what would you like to do?"

"I have the perfect idea," Blaine said, smiling mischievously.

xXx

They spent the afternoon seeing so many sights that Kurt felt overwhelmed. Blaine whizzed them through art galleries and museums so Kurt felt that by the end he had seen all the fabulous artwork that Paris had to offer. They sat down outside a little café in St. Germain, near a beautiful church and after they had seen the famous shop of Russian dolls that Blaine had wanted to show Kurt.

"Is that it?" Kurt said, sighing in tiredness as he sipped his coffee. Blaine laughed.

"Not quite. I've been seeing all these wonderful things while you've been stuck indoors watching fashion shows; I didn't know I would only have one afternoon to show you all the wonders of Paris."

"I know but I don't expect this to be my only trip to Paris. I'm really here to work and I know I won't be able to see everything."

"But you should see the best," Blaine said, matter-of-factly.

Kurt didn't have long to rest before Blaine whizzed off again, this time looking worryingly up at the sky as if it might let him down. They got to their destination just as the sun was setting and Blaine sighed in relief.

"Where are we?" Kurt asked.

"The Pont Marie bridge, look," Blaine said pointing in the direction of the sun. The colours that erupted across the sky caused Kurt to gasp a little in amazement, the pinky purple surrounding the edges of the sun which was hidden behind clouds, looked so beautiful that Blaine and Kurt only stood there for a few moments in silence. People stopped either side of them, others walked on having seen countless sunsets on the stone bridge but Blaine and Kurt didn't notice. Blaine held Kurt's hand which rested between them and smiled.

After a while the sun sinking further, Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand and tugged him away and almost running he led him to the steps leading down and under the bridge. When they got down Kurt could see the sun under the bridge now, seemingly making it light up from below.

"Do you know the tradition?" Blaine whispered in Kurt's ear and Kurt suddenly gasped, unsure when Blaine had got so close to him. He shook his head to say he didn't know.

"They say that if two people kiss under this bridge and make a wish, it comes true." Blaine was still impossibly close to Kurt, so close that his breath tickled Kurt's ear in a most glorious way and Kurt felt his cheeks flush and his chest constrict. He looked slowly at Blaine who had tilted his face away slightly so he could see Kurt's expression. Blaine's eyes seemed to glow and burn in the light of the sunset and Kurt pressed Blaine underneath the bridge so he was resting against the solid stone of one of the archways.

"We should try out that theory," Kurt said, his voice ghosting over Blaine's lips and making Blaine have the sudden urge to swallow. He could only nod in agreement as Kurt came ever closer. They paused for just a moment, Kurt clearly wishing as he closed his eyes and then leant in.

Blaine barely had time to let out his breath as Kurt's lips pressed against his. They had kissed many times before of course, illicit, hidden kisses, ashamed, guilty kisses but this was different. Both free and in a place that already meant so much, represented their freedom, they took what was theirs to enjoy and savour. They kissed slowly, gently pressing lips together until they became warmer and Kurt couldn't get enough. Blaine's lips seemed so far away and he licked timidly along his bottom lip to beg for more, to be allowed to savour when he had only tasted briefly before in New York. Their tongues met and Kurt could taste the coffee from earlier, dark and enticing as he touched the roof of Blaine's mouth. Blaine's fingers were grasping where he could, lifting up Kurt's shirt already untucked from his trousers and feeling along the milky skin that lay underneath. Kurt could feel himself unravel and realisation that they were in a public place had him suddenly breaking away.

Blaine looked wrecked, his back still against the stone archway, breathing heavily, his lips rosy and his cheeks flushed. Kurt chuckled as he breathed deeply himself.

"I think after that kiss our wishes have _got_ to come true," he said.

"I really want to take you home," Blaine said lowly, his voice hinting that he was already undone. Kurt nodded as he felt himself harden in his tight jeans. "There's just one more place you have to see," Blaine said smiling.

"Really?" Kurt said, almost grimacing, "It can't wait?"

"I don't know how much free time you'll get and I don't want to waste it," Blaine said, his eyes imploring and Kurt knew he could never say no to that look. He took Blaine's hand, leading him up to the surface of the bridge and walking towards the metro. Blaine knew the station and they walked quickly, Kurt sensing if they got this done then they could properly enjoy their time alone. They finally found themselves in a square, an overgrown garden unlike many of the manicured lawns of the Paris parks. The trees were bare but some of the hedges showed their autumnal colour still and thrived despite the wintry weather. They walked closer to where a small crowd had gathered and as someone parted, Kurt could get a better look at the blue wall in front of him.

It was a long wall covered in white writing with bits of red littering the blue, drawing attention to some of the words.

"What is this place?" Kurt asked as Blaine looked on, trying to decipher the words before him.

"I came here after someone in my hotel recommended it on my first day here and I knew you had to see it. It's the 'I love You' wall – it has the phrase in over three hundred different languages, written over a thousand times."

Kurt stepped closer inspecting the words and glancing over the different scripts and phrases, his mouth open. He starred for a few minutes and Blaine watched as he walked up and down the wall, taking in everything carefully. He slowly turned to Blaine, his eyes shining.

"Why did you take me here Blaine?" he whispered, voice choked.

Blaine smiled and walked closer. He stood in front of Kurt now and held him by the arms, looking clearly into his eyes.

"I think you needed to be reminded of a little love," he said "And I think sometimes I never have the words and I wanted to say..."

"Say what?" Kurt whispered, barely audible in the wintry wind.

"You take my breath away Kurt and I think I've fallen in love with you," he said, not sure if it was too soon, he suddenly took a step back. Kurt pulled him closer, back to his original position.

"I have too," he said, "I never wanted to say it before, couldn't say it but it's been on the tip of my tongue ever since you sang and I just…" He wasn't allowed to finish, Blaine taking his lips on his and this kiss conveyed it all. Kurt parted to see Blaine's eyes suddenly dark in the dim light of the city and they walked away from the wall, Kurt looking back in awe that he was this lucky to be in this beautiful city with an even more beautiful man.

xXx

Deciding that Kurt's place was closest they went there as soon as they could get past the crowds and the hustle of the metro. They nodded politely at the hotel staff as they entered but as soon as the elevator closed its doors Kurt was suddenly pressed against the wall and kissed hard. Kurt felt his stomach swoop, not sure whether it was the change of level or the kiss but their lips moved quickly together, Blaine clearly not getting enough in the tiny elevator. As soon as the doors pinged open, Kurt resumed his nonchalant walking towards his room, smiling at Blaine who already looked debauched and desperate. Kurt put the key card through the door and turned around to face Blaine, leaning on the door frame. He took one look then pulled Blaine by his jacket, bringing him closer and leading them into his room.

That was it for Blaine. He had not been managing his restraint well this evening so the door closing signified so much more. They were alone and Kurt was there, begging with his eyes and blushing slightly. Their lips were soon attached, jackets discarded and shirts untucked. Blaine's hands roamed lovingly over the skin of Kurt's back and brought him closer, his tongue dancing with Kurt's. Shirts were taken off and belts removed and in Blaine's haste to remove his own pants he nearly stumbled on the bed, Kurt laughing as he helped him stay upright.

"You need to remove your shoes first," Kurt said laughing, as he flung his own loafers off and Blaine smiled as he removed everything, leaving him standing in front of Kurt, completely naked and exposed.

Kurt's eyes roamed and he gulped, remembering the pleasure he had already enjoyed at this man's hands and how he couldn't wait any longer. It had already been too long since he had tasted and touched and he came closer, after hastily removing his own clothing and brought them both to his bed.

Kisses were shared, slower this time, as hands touched and explored and Kurt came undone quickly, already begging Blaine for more, for anything, the teasing touches so painfully exquisite but not quite enough. Blaine placed himself between Kurt's thighs, his erection pressed against Kurt's and as he started to move, Kurt groaned in pleasure again, rather too loud. Blaine rutted more frantically and could already feel himself getting closer but he stilled as Kurt whined in protest.

"I want it to last," Blaine panted above him, then sucking at the spot below Kurt's ear which had him mewling in pleasure. "Will you fuck me?" Blaine breathed in his ear and Kurt thought he could come at the hot breath alone.

"Yes," Kurt begged, "Fuck yes." He rummaged in his bedside drawer quickly and knelt by Blaine as he lay on his back, taking his time to look up at Kurt, his eyelashes splayed against his face. As Kurt covered his fingers in lube, concentrating and sticking his tongue out slightly as he got into position, Blaine touched his wrist gently and he looked at Blaine laid out so beautifully beneath him.

"You're so beautiful Kurt," Blaine said, smiling.

Kurt smiled then placed a finger at his hole and enticingly circled it there until Blaine writhed with need. As his finger was placed all the way in, Blaine bit his bottom lip and his head fell back in such pleasure and he moaned loudly.

"Holy shit," Kurt said, completely in awe of the beautiful man he was watching come undone, "You're so beautiful like this."

Two fingers were inserted, then three, until Blaine begged for more and writhed below him, Kurt rutting his hard erection against his thigh in need. He placed himself by Blaine's entrance, condom on, covered in lube and finally bottoms out as Blaine knocks his head back on the pillow in pleasure.

"Oh god, Kurt, that feels so good," he moans and Kurt suddenly feels a bit overwhelmed at the tightness and its going to be over embarrassingly quickly.

"Blaine, fuck you're so tight, so good," he moans over him and he goes lower, kissing Blaine's rosy lips and along his jaw, rutting hard and at this angle he hits the nub inside Blaine, who groans loudly.

"God Kurt right there – fuck…"

They find a rhythm, Blaine's prostate hit every time and he moans loudly, eyes scrunched tight to ward off his orgasm. He needs to be touched, is so desperate for release but doesn't want this to end, it can't end. Kurt feels the coiling heat in his stomach and Blaine clenches just as Kurt comes inside him, sending shoots of come up Kurt's stomach as they cling closer together, feeling each other heave and move against the pleasure shooting through their bodies. They don't hear the phone ring in the room, just their moans of pleasure, just their screams of release.

Kurt, sated and spent, removes himself from Blaine and flings himself on the bed beside him, not caring about the mess in between them.

"That was fucking amazing," Blaine says, eyes closed and a dumb smile spread across his face.

"Not too bad for my first time as a top then?" Kurt says, eyes closed against the worry in his stomach at the admission.

"Are you serious Kurt?" Blaine says sitting up, "You never with…?"

Kurt shakes his head and Blaine shakes his slowly in disbelief.

"Well that was fantastic, so good," Blaine says, the dopey smile returning to his face, his come drying on his chest and Kurt's as they lie there, next to each other. Just as Kurt is thinking about washing them clean with a cloth from his bathroom, there is a knock at the door.

"Kurt? Are you in here? The receptionist said you had clocked in but you didn't answer your phone."

"Dave…" Kurt whispered, wide eyed.

**A/N**: Sorry for the cliffhanger! The fashion show information was taken from the designer's websites and the shows are based on Paris fashion week details on the Vogue website, so sorry for any mistakes. The wall and the places with their traditions are also taken from the internet. Let me know what you think – I love all your reviews, thanks.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Shit!" Blaine hissed at the sound of Dave's voice through the door, and the scramble began, clothes and shoes quickly picked up in his arms as Kurt removed all appearance of sex – lube, condom wrapper - and he ushered Blaine into the bathroom. He messed his hair even more and Blaine could only wonder why with a confused expression on his face, as Kurt closed the bathroom door in front of him. He took a deep breath and opened the door to face Dave.

"Dave," Kurt said, deliberately rubbing his eyes and looking tired, "What are you doing here? I was sleeping."

"Oh sorry," Dave said looking sheepish but entering the room anyway, "I just needed to see you Kurt; I couldn't leave things the way they were." He sat down on the bed, completely oblivious to Kurt's slight flinch as he remained by the door. The thought of what had just occurred there, the worry that the smell still lingered flashed across Kurt's face but Dave didn't notice, his head in his hands as he realised he had been keeping so much in since Kurt had left for Paris.

"I've been doing some serious thinking Kurt," he started saying but then he noticed Kurt's straight stance, his serious expression and beckoned him to sit beside him on the bed. "I think I needed you to say all that back in New York, I needed you to break up with me to realise. I need you in my life Kurt, I can't survive without you, we need to make this work."

Kurt sat there in stunned silence, suddenly aware that Blaine would be pressed against the bathroom door, hearing the whole conversation.

"Let me get dressed," Kurt said wearily, "We'll talk then, let's go somewhere."

Dave was unsure but then his mind starting whirring into action and a plan seemed to hatch itself in his brain and he nodded in agreement. Kurt changed quickly, adjusting his hair in the mirror, deliberately avoiding the bathroom but quick as he could he ushered Dave out of the hotel room and followed behind. The beautiful thing about trust is that it can so easily be lost but when you have it completely, thoughts of lies and misdemeanours seem so far away. Dave completely trusted Kurt – not even a whisper of an indiscretion graced his mind as they started to wander through the streets of Paris, Dave having a clear idea of where he wanted them to go. Kurt sent a quick message to Blaine telling him to leave quickly and his mind was allowed to search for reasons, for excuses, things he needed or wanted to say to Dave but nothing came.

They soon found themselves approaching the Eiffel Tower and Kurt felt panic surge through his stomach that Dave wanted to be romantic, wanted something Kurt couldn't give. He stopped.

"What's wrong?" Dave asked when he turned to see Kurt's pale face in the moonlight.

"I can't Dave," he whispered, "I can't do this…"

"Please Kurt," Dave said desperately, "I've always wanted to see this and I know you'll love it, please?"

Kurt could only hear Blaine's pleas in bed only an hour ago, could only see his desperate face just before he came and in an endeavour to wipe the image from his mind and focus on Dave, he shook his head and ploughed forward, determined to end this soon.

They sat on a bench underneath as the tower suddenly displayed itself in all it's lit up glory, flashing and starry. Kurt found himself gulping in desperation but Dave only looked up with his mouth open at the beauty. He lowered his gaze to look at Kurt while he took out something from the inner pocket of his jacket.

"Kurt," he whispered as he opened the little black box and Kurt gasped as his eyes alighted on what was inside. A white gold ring.

Dave, his eyes fully focused on Kurt, his expression one of love and honesty, dropped to one knee in front of Kurt and asked the question that Kurt had hoped to hear one day but definitely not from this man.

"Will you marry me Kurt?"

Kurt couldn't say anything; he just stared at the ring, so cold and emotionless in the wintry air. Kurt wanted to throw it as far away from them as he could, wanted to scream no but only gulped as tears threatened to pour down his face in panic. Dave mistook this as happiness and he smiled up at Kurt, love oozing from his face.

"I've loved you for so long Kurt, always want to love you, always want to be near you and I never realised it before but if this ring means so much to you, than it means so much to me. Will you marry me? Please? It would make me so happy."

Kurt still couldn't speak, just shook his head as a tear escaped his eye and he swallowed fiercely against the lump of panic forming in his throat. Dave suddenly looked puzzled.

"No?"

Kurt stood, walked away without a word and Dave took a moment to regain any semblance of understanding and he stood too and started following Kurt who was walking briskly away, trying to escape.

"Kurt, Kurt wait," he said as he caught up to Kurt and tugged his arm, "Where are you going?"

"I can't Dave, I can't do this," Kurt was saying as he continued to walk away. "I can't do this," he kept repeating this to himself until Dave regained his reason and stood in front of Kurt, blocking his path.

"What do you mean? Why? I thought you wanted this?"

"I don't want this, we broke up," Kurt said, suddenly exasperated, annoyed that he had to explain, "You didn't want this."

"But I want you Kurt," Dave said, starting to plead, clutching Kurt's arm, trying to impart understanding through his eyes and Kurt understood his desperation, he just couldn't take it.

"I don't deserve all this Dave, we broke up, you can't do this."

"Did you want to break up? Don't you love me?" Dave whispered, sudden realisation dawning on his face and he felt foolish and so so small standing there with his ring, his shoulders broad and heavy.

Kurt looked at him. He thought then that he must have loved Dave once, must have cared as he stood watching the sadness in Dave's eyes. He thought back to his attempted suicide, how he really wanted to help, how he really wanted to make Dave feel like he had friends in New York when he moved here, how he so desperately wanted to care for him. When he thought back to those early days, it had only been about helping him, caring for him. A misguided notion of friendship and love; a complete misunderstanding and Kurt had let it carry on. He had searched and searched for something to keep him with Dave but he couldn't and he had to let him go, had to let him know.

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered, "I think I love someone else." At this Dave's eyes widened and Kurt felt instantly guilty. The idea that someone else had taken Kurt's love had never even occurred to Dave.

"I think I do love you Dave, I will always care for you but not like that, just as friends and it went too far and I'm sorry…" he said, finally letting it out there, explaining himself. Dave looked at the ground, his feet the only thing grounding him, making him aware that he was here and hearing what was clearly breaking his heart.

"I should go," Dave said as he walked away from Kurt and Kurt nearly followed, so desperate not to leave on bad terms but knowing it was best to leave him on his own. He felt two inches tall but he continued to watch Dave walk away, getting smaller and smaller in the distance and then made his own way back to his hotel, feeling heavy and constricted.

xXx

Kurt barely acknowledged the hotel receptionist who attempted to speak to Kurt as he entered but she soon realised he wouldn't hear and was trapped in his own world, which is why he was surprised to find Blaine sitting on his bed as he entered his hotel room.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt said wearily as he took off his jacket and sat on the chair next to Blaine on the bed. "I thought you were going home."

"I couldn't go, I'm sorry, I had to wait. Did you go back to him?"

Whatever Kurt was expecting Blaine to say upon his entrance, he wasn't expecting that and he looked up, all sadness gone from his face, as he saw Blaine's expression, so open, so inviting.

"Of course not," he exclaimed and he flung himself on Blaine and kissed him fiercely, causing an 'oomph' to escape Blaine as he was lain on the bed. Kurt littered little kisses all over Blaine's face as he smiled, his eyes twinkling at the sudden change in Kurt.

"I don't know how you do it," Kurt was saying as he continued to kiss along Blaine's stubbly jaw, "Why do you make me feel this way?"

"I don't know," Blaine said gasping as Kurt placed a wet kiss below his ear, the sweetest spot. He parted from Kurt's grasp and sat up.

"Do we need to talk about it?" Blaine asked sensibly. Kurt looked carefully at Blaine, his chest swooping at the knowledge that he was sensible and really cared, really wanted to know how Kurt was feeling, despite the obvious bulge in his trousers that Kurt had elicited from him.

"Maybe," Kurt whispered and he sat up, resting his back on the headboard and indicating that Blaine do the same beside him. They sat like that for a while, Kurt stroking nonsensical patterns on Blaine's clothed thigh.

"He asked me to marry him," Kurt said, monotone and matter-of-factly, causing Blaine to do a double-take.

"He what?!"

"It was so awful to watch and so surreal, I mean I had wanted that all along, the man must be so confused," Kurt said, looking down, feeling so guilty, so torn.

"And you said no?" Blaine said, just checking.

"Of course," Kurt said, still not confident enough to look at Blaine, "I knew as I watched him that I had never felt what he felt. I never loved him like that, I only cared for him, wanted the best but I've never felt that way towards him and I felt so bad. I'm a dreadful person Blaine." Tears sprang to Kurt's eyes and he gulped them away, determined that no pity should be given. "He deserves so much more than me and I hope he finds true love, I really do." Blaine nodded, feeling so incredibly lucky that he got Kurt but so incredibly sad for Dave that he had to lose him. He knew what that would feel like.

"Do you think you made a mistake with me?" Blaine asked timidly, "Do you think we should have done things differently?"

"Yeah," Kurt said, looking at Blaine's warm brown eyes, "We should have remained friends until we had both parted from our boyfriends and I know it got real messy but actually people would still be hurt either way. But I never made a mistake with you." Kurt smiled. "You could never be a mistake, Blaine." Blaine leant in slowly for a sweet kiss and smiled as their lips parted.

"I think our love is kinda bittersweet now," Blaine said sadly and Kurt nodded, "But now's the time to really enjoy ourselves."

"Life can begin," Kurt said in agreement.

xXx

Blaine woke first to find himself wrapped around Kurt protectively, almost as if he was afraid that he would disappear before he woke. Kurt's skin was warm to the touch and he started stroking his exposed arm and shoulder as Kurt slept on, the flutter of his eyelashes showing deep sleep, his smile warm and inviting. Blaine couldn't believe he was here.

He looked on as Kurt slept, so aware that he had nearly lost him and that he had never felt so at peace, so alive. He loved Kurt, he knew, wanted him like he had never wanted anyone else, almost addicted to him but now in the clear light of morning, he could see Kurt for what he really was. Blaine knew that affairs of any kind could seem exciting and illicit but this was what he had craved all along. He wanted Kurt heart and soul and now Dave was gone, now that Sebastian was on the mend, now they could live their lives together, now they could be free. Today started a new chapter and Blaine had never felt so free.

xXx

Although it was the best morning for Kurt, being woken up with kisses and warm fingers dancing along his skin which lead to deep kisses and a shower together, Isabelle did not have a pleasant morning. She awoke to find herself ill and regretting drinking that late night martini that had been just the one too many. She text Kurt to explain she would have to forgo all the shows today and that she would meet him for their early morning flight the following day.

"You shouldn't be so happy that Isabelle is ill," Kurt reprimanded Blaine as he happily jiggled around the room.

"I'm sorry I can't help it," Blaine said grinning widely, "I get to see Alexander McQueen's show with you," and he continued his happy dance and Kurt could only smile affectionately. Kurt knew it was going to be an exciting day and he couldn't wait.

xXx

The Chanel and Valentino shows didn't disappoint either and Blaine was like an excited puppy on the second row behind Kurt who had been able to get Isabelle's ticket. He bounced as he saw all the wonderful dresses and the spectacle and show. The models looked so austere that they were in deep contrast to Blaine's excited face and Kurt gave him a few warning looks, especially as he was trying his best to remain reserved and calm. As they waited for the Alexander McQueen show, after a quick lunch, even Kurt couldn't contain himself anymore and his eyes were wide as he kept turning to speak to Blaine to explain what he was expecting from the heavily pregnant Sarah Burton who had designed Kate Middleton's dress. A kind lady in the front row, seeing how often Kurt turned to talk to Blaine before the show started, offered to swap seats with Blaine and he eagerly walked round just as the lights dimmed, the show about to start.

The black bee keeper hat that covered the models' faces as they paraded and showed off the dresses, gave such a sense that the real beauty was hidden, that Kurt tugged Blaine's hand next to him in anticipation of the next outfit. The dresses were big and bright, yellow, red and black creations, with such tight corsets and the wide wiring underneath revealed as the materials cascaded over the top. Amber was the material of choice for jewellery and Kurt thought back to Blaine's eyes as he looked on, then turned to see Blaine's wide grin next to him. The men showed off next, the pin stripe definitely back in fashion and Blaine nudged Kurt when all the male models sported heavily gelled hair and deliberately plastic looking make up.

"Look," he said, grinning, "I'm in fashion."

Sarah Burton was unable to reveal herself at the end, as she was now on maternity leave and this had been an unusually small gathering of editors and important people. Kurt thanked his lucky stars that he could get two exclusive tickets to this event. As Kurt left the show, Blaine holding his hand like he had dreamed of all those times, he started to think about his dreams and how they had changed over the years. Even talking to Blaine's friend Charlie, he had thought he was clearly destined to be a singer, to live his dreams on Broadway but he had forgotten. He had loved fashion from the first moment he could dress himself and thinking back to those occasions he planned outfits with his mother before going to parties with friends from school, he treasured those memories of learning to sew and create his own designs. What he had missed as he sat in his office at was not the singing but the creating. He wanted to design and make and he had become bogged down with inconsequential admin and paperwork. He needed to explore his own talents again and this week had stirred that passion and love of fashion within him like a spark of fire that now needed to be stoked and stirred to make a real and stable flame. It was as they ate dinner that evening, the night before they would return to New York, that Kurt discussed these plans and ideas with Blaine, whose face lit up in excitement that Kurt felt alive again and that they could now formulate plans together. Kurt knew music would always be in his life, knew that it would always be a hobby like cooking but fashion was something he could always do well and he knew he wanted to strive to be the best. With Blaine, here in Paris together, he finally started to believe he could do anything, and become what he truly wanted to be, someone he could admire and respect. Looking across at the man who he had fallen in love with so suddenly over the last few months, Kurt knew he could finally be himself, in fact there was nothing he couldn't be and he felt amazing.

**A/N**: One more chapter left!


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**: Final chapter! Thanks to those who have favourited or followed – really hope you enjoyed the story. Thank you so much for all of your lovely reviews.

Chapter 13

Kurt met Isabelle early the next morning to catch his flight back to New York, having left Blaine after a hot shower and croissants in bed. Blaine was catching a later flight and he would check out of his own hotel a little later. They agreed to meet in a few days and Kurt was soon on his way.

Isabelle was a little more perky when they met but was wearing dark shades to shield her from the harsh sunlight.

"I haven't seen the sun for a while," she said, almost grimacing and she sat by the window quietly on the plane, sometimes talking to Kurt about all they had seen. She gave him plenty of time to think about his life and what he really wanted. Despite the romantic moments with Blaine, the glorious time in Paris seemed already to be disappearing as Kurt flew over Europe. He had left it casual with Blaine, despite knowing that he had never felt more alive in his company, that he would sometimes look across at Blaine and feel that pull; feel the addictive nature of their relationship bubble and whirl in his stomach. He knew Blaine felt the same but as he returned home, he knew that he had left behind a mess with Dave and the sinking feeling returned. He knew both Dave and Sebastian would require more time and effort than either of them had admitted and this was their time. They would need to be fixed.

Kurt arrived in New York about 8 o'clock in the morning despite leaving Paris at 7 o'clock and by the time he arrived at his apartment he shared with Dave, he had already left for work. Kurt breathed a sigh of relief that his apartment was empty and that Dave hadn't changed the locks. He started to pack his belongings into suitcases and it was only as he nearly finished that it dawned on him that he had no idea where he was going to go. He sat down on the bed, surrounded by clothes neatly folded on the bed and open suitcases and sighed. He really had only one option. Rachel.

He realised he hadn't been the greatest of friends to Rachel since this had started. He had deliberately avoided her, knowing she would want to know all the goings-on concerning Blaine and he couldn't deal with that. She had text, even left a few persistent voicemails but now he realised he would need to grovel and explain.

"Kurt!" She shouted down the phone, after just one ring, "Where have you been?"

"Paris, Rachel," he said, already exasperated, "You know I was going there with Isabelle for work."

"Kurt," she whined, "You know what I mean! You disappeared off the face of the earth, didn't answer my texts or calls, I know what that means!"

"And what is that Rachel?" he decided to humour her, knowing full well she had probably guessed all.

"You were either getting laid or feeling guilty," she said, sounding very pleased at her levels of deduction, "Or both!" She said suddenly and Kurt left the silence to speak for itself. "Kurt? Did you? With Blaine?" She whispered, almost in awe that Kurt could mess up so badly.

"Yes," he said just as quietly, "Dave and I broke up and I need a place to stay…" He decided to leave out the part where the relationships had blurred, where boundaries had been crossed.

"Oh Kurt," she said and after a while replied that of course he could stay. Kurt ended the conversation, saying he would explain all later and he continued to pack. He decided on leaving all furniture and bigger items for another time and then packed his bathroom items, this taking almost as long as his clothes. He took a final look around the apartment, staring at the photos on the walls and noticed that there was only one or two of him and Dave, most included only family. He was starting to write a note of explanation to Dave as the door opened slowly and Kurt looked up to find Dave by the door. He looked devastated to see Kurt and said nothing, only glancing around the apartment, already noticing the missing items.

"You've packed?" he asked. Kurt nodded. Dave only sat down in a nearby chair and Kurt felt instantly sorry. Dave's back looked so burdened he seemed to have shrunk in stature and Kurt felt a pang, knowing he had caused that.

"How did it go so terribly wrong Kurt?" Dave looked so carefully at him, imploring him so innocently that Kurt just didn't know what to say. He should never have returned.

"I don't know what to say Dave, it wasn't you - " Kurt started but was interrupted angrily.

"Oh don't start that bullshit Kurt, tell me the truth."

Kurt was startled. Dave rarely spoke like that, even in arguments. He owed him the truth at least he supposed.

"Do you remember when you first moved to New York and you invited me for coffee? You said you felt lonely in such a big place, didn't know where to start to meet friends. We hung out, you met my friends, made your own and it just sort of happened. We came together because there you were, dependable, safe and I needed that."

"I'm not always like that Kurt," Dave said, "You know that."

"I do, which is why you deserve someone better. I was never for the long haul Dave and I know that now. We were never eternity; I guess I hoped you knew that."

"So I was your back up plan, in case you never found anyone."

Kurt's silence said it all and he couldn't look at him anymore. Dave knew.

"Where are you going to go?" Dave asked, after an awkward silence.

"I'm staying with Rachel until I find somewhere else."

"And this other guy's pretty special then?" Kurt nodded. "Well he's pretty lucky then."

xXx

Blaine left Paris and arrived in New York late afternoon, feeling a little lost so he decided he would go to the club he was to play at later. He wasn't due on stage for at least three hours but after dropping off his bags at his apartment he found himself sitting at the bar nursing a bourbon, which wasn't usually his drink but here and now it seemed fitting. It took quite a while for him to realise that he wasn't alone, sitting there staring into the dark brown liquid as he swirled it around the bottom of his glass. As the person next to him moved slightly, Blaine looked up and found his mouth drop.

"Seb? What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," he said, as if it was perfectly natural for him to come to his place of work, "I thought I'd watch you play, if you don't mind?"

Blaine found tears prickle his eyes and he blinked them away.

"I'd like that, how did you know I would be here?"

"I always knew your schedule. How was Paris?" He said, changing the subject.

"Really good thanks," Blaine said, a wide smile over his face, "I saw all the sights and managed to get tickets to see the last day of fashion shows – Alexander McQueen and Chanel – they were fabulous."

Sebastian chuckled. "You went with Kurt didn't you?" Blaine nodded guiltily. "That trip has old Betty White's name all over it…"

"Hey…" Blaine said indignantly.

"You moved on quick then…" Sebastian's face was suddenly forlorn, as if the bravado could no longer be maintained.

"Nothing happened until we split, I promise," Blaine said carefully, "We've been falling apart for a while though, haven't we?" Sebastian nodded. Blaine needed to feel slightly less guilty and he really did hope Sebastian would be ok. He always seemed cocky but really Blaine knew his mask covered quite a few insecurities.

"How have you been?" Blaine asked and Sebastian knew this meant had he managed to stay off the alcohol.

"I've been ok actually. Got a job as a barista so I'll be able to start paying you for rent soon and I'm sure to meet a guy on the dance floor later," he said winking.

"I don't think it's that kind of place Seb," Blaine said as if he was indulging a child. He was pleased he had managed to stay sober while he had been away though. "So you'll be ok then?" Blaine asked, needing to know, hoping he hadn't really hurt him. Sebastian looked at Blaine for what seemed the longest time, until he saw something redeeming it seemed and he stroked Blaine's arm and smiled. "Yeah, I'll be ok Blaine. Still in my life? Still friends?"

"Yeah, always," Blaine said smiling.

xXx

Kurt came to the office the next day armed with designs and thoughts about the fashion shows he had seen so he got Isabelle's coffee and took calls and replied to emails. Isabelle could sense Kurt's new found eagerness so she casually invited him in for a board meeting where ideas would be flung about and Kurt looked eager-eyed and alert, taking notes and doodling on a sheet of paper when the mood took him. His face, ever a display of what he thought and felt, showed a myriad of expressions and alerted Isabelle to his true feelings about ideas bandied about by others. She asked his opinion and took his suggestions on board. He realised, he had been considered all along, he just needed to jump on board and join the gang again.

As the meeting drew to an end, Isabelle took him to one side and looked over his shoulder at his new drawings.

"What are these Kurt?"

"Just some doodles," he shrugged.

"Do you design often?"

"Oh all the time but I've never submitted anything, it's only ever been for me and friends."

"But now?"

"Now, maybe I should do something with them…"

"Yeah, definitely, come by my office later with the best and I'll give you my advice," she said warmly and Kurt smiled, a slither of hope creeping along his chest and settling in his stomach. He knew it would be tough to even be considered in designer big leagues but advice was a start and he had only ever wanted to try. He knew how dangerous it was to feel dead and useless. His time was finally now.

xXx

Kurt and Blaine had text back and forth without meeting for a few days and Blaine could feel the itch to ring, the crawl of goosebumps along his arms, the need to touch Kurt, to speak to him, evident as he prepared his set list for that evening. He knew Kurt would be working during the day but he sent him a text inviting him to the bar tonight anyway.

To: Kurt [10.12]

**Miss you… fancy coming to hear me play tonight?**

To: Blaine [10.17]

**Hey you, miss you too :( tonight sounds like a very good idea xx**

The reply made Blaine feel more relaxed again. It had been easier than he thought to settle into New York life again, to have a resolution but he didn't want Kurt to feel rushed. If Kurt was for the long haul they could weather many more storms than a few days without each other but Blaine admitted to himself that he couldn't bear another day without him. He did start to wonder whether you could be physically addicted to someone. To have the constant need for someone, to feel jittery without them, to feel complete when your lips touched theirs – maybe it was all too much too soon.

Blaine felt more settled at the piano much later, already having sung his popular tunes and asking for requests. He saw Kurt arrive after a little while and he smiled warmly from at his place near the back. Blaine could already feel the warmth of his bourbon, apparently a new favourite drink, on his cheeks and it made him feel light-headed. He was suddenly desperate to be understood and he knew that song was definitely the most honest way he knew to express himself. He had a feeling Kurt would understand.

_Some things we don't talk about  
Rather do without  
And just hold a smile  
Falling in and out of love  
Ashamed and proud of  
Together all the while_

You can never say never while we don't know it  
Time and time again  
Younger now than we were before  
Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go  
Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go  


Kurt had seemed slightly confused as Blaine sang, not understanding at first that he meant all the relationships they had found themselves in over the last few months. Blaine's desperation came out as he sang now and Kurt knew. He wanted this, needed to be understood and Kurt knew.

_Picture you're the queen of everything  
Far as the eye can see  
Under your command  
I will be your guardian when all is crumbling  
Steady your hand_

You can never say never while we don't know it  
Time, time and time again  
Younger now than we were before  
Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go  
Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go

We're falling apart,  
We're coming together,  
Again and again  
We're crawling apart,  
But we're falling together,  
Falling together  
Together again  


They had seemed to complete some kind of dance over the last few months, always parting or falling together and Kurt realised then how much it had hurt and how he longed for Blaine in his life. He walked towards Blaine as he continued to play the tune, a break in the lyrics and Blaine seemed to understand what he was doing.

Kurt hadn't been aware he was singing along until he reached Blaine at the piano and sat down on the stool next to him, but the crowd could hear his voice gradually getting louder as his mouth neared the microphone.

_Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go  
Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go  
_

Kurt slid his arm next to Blaine's and kissed him sweetly on the cheek as he finished the song and only Blaine heard the whispered endearment next to his ear, too quiet even for the microphone.

"Never," Kurt whispered, tingling Blaine's ear with his warm breath, "I'll never let you go."

**Song quoted**:

'Never Say Never' by The Fray


End file.
